Haven’t posted here in a while. My husband is a paranoid schizophrenic. Last year was a rough year for us. Beyond that actually. Well, we are now expecting a baby in a few months. He is off of his meds AGAIN and has been for quite sometime now. Which is nothing new actually, he frequently just stops taking them saying they’re poisoning him. He never goes to any follow up appts. And has arranged for his meds to be sent via mail so that they can’t question him about it. So, my problem is he has been having these grand delusions and he thinks I’m a spy secret agent for the government. Now, he’s a military vet and anything that entails the government is suspicious to him as he thinks the FBI is trying to destroy him. I have generally ignored these accusations as I’ve better learned how to cope with his paranoia without breaking into pieces myself. But, recently he’s told me that he’s thought of killing me bcuz he’s positive I work for the government and only married him to help them spy on him. THIS WORRIES ME AS I AM CARRYING HIS CHILD! I don’t know what to do??? I left him after I was pregnant a couple months bcuz his delusions began immediately as his paranoia has told him I’m pregnant to set him up for the government and therefore our unborn isn’t his child. I moved in with family and then got a small apartment, not telling him where I live. I needed peace bcuz I didn’t wanna miscarry due to stress. Now we’re close to delivery, we’ve discussed being under the same roof again. I thought he’d sorted himself out. Apparently not, he’s STILL not taking his meds. Now, the revelation that he thinks he must kill me bcuz he believes me to be a secret agent! I have kids to think about, I surely cannot go back while he’s like THIS. The catch is I’ve given him my address to send baby stuff to and now I’m thinking he’ll track me down and kills us all. What am I to do? I’ve no idea where to start? I’ve thought of notifying the VA mental health where he’s supposed to be treated of his thoughts to see if they’ll pick him up for a hospital stay where he’ll be forced to take meds or get a injection if he refuses. I really just wanna disappear and leave him to his own devices, I know that’s awful sounding but I draw the line when danger is introduced. Can anyone suggest anything I can do so my kids and I don’t end up on the nightly news? Is there a way to have him hospitalized involuntarily? Because he’s deep in paranoia and hallucinations he won’t go willingly and I’m sure by his statements he’s gonna fight if they attempt to pick him up. But it’s better than the alternative. If he doesn’t kill me he’ll probably end up getting himself killed bc he thinks he’s infiltrated the government somehow. All advice is welcome!
I’d call the police, they should take death threats seriously and hopefully he’ll be hospitalised if you explain that he’s a paranoid schizophrenic off meds who appears to be a danger to others.
Call some kind of CAT team if they have one in your area first/look in phonebook or mental health facility in your county a.s.a.p. when your alone or step out away from the house and call … They will come and help him get into the hospital because he is talking about killing you. If there are no mental health team in your area please call the police and let them know he has sz and off his meds and talking about getting himself killed…Tell them not to bring any weapons and you just want them to get him some help and take him to hospital to get evaluated…I had this experience happen to me last May with my son & he got off meds was talking a lot about killing or being killed and thought they took over my body and I wasn’t the same person… I knew I had to get him help a.s.a.p. So when I had my brother in law come over I used the excuse I was going to the store and drove around the corner and called for help ( we don’t have a cat team in this area so I had to call the police) so I told police off his medication & told him he thought I was going to kill him or the police were going to kill him (which was true left out him saying he was going to kill me ) and did not think I was the same person… It is scary but you just have to think of the safety of both of you and get him help a.s. a. p. when you hear the words killing himself or others that is your only way to get him into a hospital…tell them your afraid of your safety and his safety…Also you have to hear about being suicidal/killing that day when you call…I know you are scared that he is going to fight them that is exactly how I feel everytime I call to get help for my son… yes that is a great idea… you should call the VA mental health and let him know he is threatning to kill you or getting himself killed…
I called the VA mental health crisis line and they’re no help smh the guy actually asked me how do I know my husband is schizophrenic? Then he looked up my husband’s file and said “oh, we can’t make him take his meds call the police and have him arrested” that was disconcerting considering they’re supposed to be here to help the Vets. I told him he should go to the hospital and get help. He said I’m framing him and he’s going to sue me. It’s from one extreme to the other. He believes this proves I’m a government person for some reason. My sister told me to file a police complaint, I’m unsure what the police will do but we will see.
One time, my husband thought he was in danger and our house was bugged and that I had let someone come in and set up cameras to watch him. I convinced him that I had a place set up for him to get protection. As bad as it may seem, I used his delusions to get him to the hospital. I told him I had hired people to hide him and he would be protected. I felt bad for manipulating him, but it wasn’t completely a lie.
Maybe you are a spy though, not willing of course, im not saying all of that. But maybe you are being used as one?
Huh?! Ever think of that?!
If I were a spy I wouldn’t be pregnant and broke with no support, kid to care for, a car that breaks down constantly and a husband I haven’t seen in months. If I were a spy he wouldn’t be my target trust me. His life is predictable and going to the gym is the highlight of it all. I’d definitely have anyone more active to spy on other than my husband. I’m just saying, he’s the last of a spies worries and I wouldn’t be an informant and not get something out of it that’d help financially support this baby he’s placed inside of me. So, yes I’ve thought of if I were a spy and trust me things would be totally different if I were.
Maybe you need to not drip your negativity in the family forum?
LOL, the whole spy thing is part of my life with my son… we just have to laugh sometimes, because what else can we do? Me? A spy?
Do you think there is a potential he would try to carry thru his threats? If there is any possibility, then you MUST protect yourself and your child.
Getting him hospitalized involuntarily is possible of you can get someone to agree that he is a serious threat to you. If you have any messages, either voice or text to support these threats, that would be a significant help. In my county, it is possible to get a mental health warrant issued if you have multiple affidavits signed attesting to the danger. Of course it just feeds into their paranoia, but sometimes it has to be done.
As indicated here and on (almost) countless other threads on sz.com, paranoid delusionality is rampant among sz pts. Very often, it’s a sign that the pt is not taking his meds as prescribed, usually because he is fearful that the dulling effect of the meds makes it more difficult for him to protect himself from the threats he (believes he) sees.
In some instances, the paranoid delusions are not strictly delusions, but are (in old-fashioned Freud-speak) transferences of fears of abuse and/or restriction from actual events that occurred earlier in life that the pt cannot bring himself to confront for any number of reasons, emotional or (often surprisingly) rational.
To break through this “blockage,” however, the pt almost has to be reliably stabilized on his meds.
A “Catch 22?” Yes. Sigh. But one that sophisticated professionals are often able to get around. I’d press for a referral to a “class A” facility. Where do you live?
I’d try to put this is perspective with other things that he’s said and done and not done in the past. While his his positive symptoms of paranoia and delusions may be frightening, apathy and avolition are strong negative symptoms that counterbalance them.
What I mean is does he have any history of violence? To you or others? Does he follow through with plans or does he talk about things but never do anything. You say he and his routines are very predictable in one breath, but then you are worried that he might do something unpredictable. It’s understandable to be worried and afraid when you hear something hurtful like this especially when you are pregnant, but try to realize it’s likely the disease talking and not him.
If the threats become persistent and escalate, then I’d see what I can do with the police or a restraining order. Distracting him might also be a tactic. If there’s another favorite delusionary theme or target, you might try to direct his attention toward that so he’s busy worrying about it, rather than you. Stay strong and keep care of yourself and your child first, these are the things you can control.
He’s been skipping states now to stay away from having to be sent to a VA hospital. He’s literally gone from deep south to up north to DC bcuz he thinks he can infiltrate the government and back. I’m sure he’s gone again because I’ve asked him to go get help. He’s never still these days as his mind constantly roams and his insomnia is ridiculous now bcuz of paranoia
As far as violence goes he is a veteran that spent lots of time overseas and he also used to be a professional boxer and mixed martial artist. he says he likes the fight. He was institutionalized a bit back and was violent with the staff for attempting to give him meds. He literally put up a fight which isn’t good when you’re against a 200+lb man who was a professional fighter and exercises three times a day. It took several orderlies to restrain him and he had to be put out with a shot. He’s only violent regarding government officials of any kind which is my cause for alert. He’s convinced that they’re trying to destroy him bc he was in the military. Most of his problems stem from his time in service as he wasn’t diagnosed until after his discharge. PTSD is also one of his diagnosis’ and he struggles with anything government related. That’s what worried me as I would normally ignore it, but he’s accusing me of being apart of the one thing I know he hates.
This situation does not seem safe for you or your (forthcoming) child. Starting to accuse you is very worrying.
Sadly, you might only be able to be with your childs father when he is on meds or has a stable recovery that means there you do not feel unsafe. So you did the right thing by getting out - and any discussion of moving back in together must rest on the agreement that he keeps engaged with treatment and is stable.
There is nothing wrong with saying you will only come back if he isstable on meds - if he won’t do that you might need to keep your distance and focus on the baby. There is also nothing wrong with you notifying his medical team that he is off meds and unstable. It is up to them whether they intervene but you cannot make him engage.
Right - if he is in a confused state, and thinks that you are some way involved with a government agency, he could act out violence that he would never intend on you. Be careful.