I surely understand about the stress of it all. I wish you two could go out, even for 1/2 hour for a break. It is very nice that your husband is worried about leaving you alone with your son. I can’t imagine not being able to go out, wow…
I’ve been reading all of these recent comments on this thread and I’m just astounded how similar all of our lives really are. We’re all dealing with exactly the same thing…the same kinds of conversations with our loved ones, the same frustrations, the same worries and sadness. It doesn’t matter what countries or states we’re from, or what our backgrounds are. It’s the same for all of us. It’s just so life-saving to not be alone with this.
I wish none of us had to be here on this forum, but thank you.
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I read this thread and the similarities between your loved ones’ remarks are maybe with my brother-in-law’s hallucinations and delusions but now I’m still with my afflicted sister and still no words from her for the past two years she isn’t communicating. I read here that you can hear your loved ones’ voices and can communicate with them whether they are medicated or unmedicated, isolate or don’t isolate… I wish to hear my sister’s voice, I miss her so much and I miss having conversations with her… I wish for the best but is it bad that I wish to hear anything from her even if it’s babbling nonsense at this stage?.. it’s sad, I’m sorry
No Love_Hope, it’s not bad or unexpected that you’d settle to hear even a single word spoken from your sister. It must be so aweful. You must miss hearing her voice so much. I’m so sorry.
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I do, thank you for your kind response
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Brokenheart17 I’m so sorry and while reading this my jaw literally dropped because it’s so similar right down to the blame he uses.
I find myself looking back and confirming with myself, even a couple of friends I still have that we spent time with and knew him growing up.
So many similar accusations from both our sons.
The one that strikes me is your son saying you spent too much time with him. That’s such a similar thing to what my son says.
He says what happened to ME as a child in order for me to answer to them , ie the doctors, the police, the “ones” who make his life hell (his words)
He said we didn’t teach him to “fight back”
He once threw up a memory saying I held him down as a toddler to “tickle” him. Yes sure I played and probably tickled him , but held him down? No
He said last night he was vibrant, happy and would have had a great life if his soul wasn’t taken.
How old is your son ?
You are not alone. Coming here helps and helps me understand. People on here are amazing,
Day-by-day I too am astounded at similar experiences we all have, I mean we are from all over the world on here and share such similarities , right down to stuff our loved ones SAY .
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We just had such a breakthrough last night… my daughter has been doing some research on her own and came to the conclusion that she isn’t coping with things as well as she had thought she was,…and that she may need medication to help her keep balance… even if doctors terrify her… and the fear of the stigma… she had realized that it is just a chemical imbalance and that the illness does NOT define who she is… wow. Such a breakthrough! An answer to prayer!
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One advise my older brother gave me in regard to dealing with my daughter’s rants is that it is nothing personal, it is part of the illness… that realization has prevented quite a few potential fights with my daughter as I am learning to pick my battles and thinking if something is really worth making a big deal about… also realizing that it is not personal helps to be respond to her rants rather than to react to them… sometimes I decide not to say anything at all… I am not saying we don’t have our fights anymore… they still do pop up and yeah, it still hurts some when she lashes out at us…
Your older brother gave you really good advice, it’s best to not take the things they say personally. Treat them with respect at all times.
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Jane57, this group has been a great comfort just in helping to see that it isn’t what we did wrong as parents because others are experiencing the same types of things. All the blame being thrown in my face continuously has me second guessing everything and I don’t want to lose the good memories by having them tainted with the blame. My son is 19, how old is yours? Mine also says that the doctors and the police are in on a conspiracy against him. He keeps saying we are what is holding him back from having a good life. I pointed out to him that he is an adult and is free to leave at any time but we are here to help him when he wants help. He claims he can’t leave because we have him in a prison and that he keeps waiting every day for it to end. He needs counseling but refuses to go.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, as much as I hate that anyone is going through this, it is comforting to know you are not alone because no one in our family or friends understand what this is like.
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I totally agree! When we started on this journey, I felt so alone. I am so glad I found this group, just to know others share the same feelings hat I hace
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That’s so true that we don’t wish this in anyone but it’s comforting to know we aren’t alone.
My son is 27 next week. We say the same to our son, ie no one is ho,isn’t him back, he’s free to go and has been for years and make a life, but he comes up with stuff like, he will be kidnapped, or he can’t get a job because do his religion etc etc.
Broken-hearted, based on what I’ve read and experienced, this illness (and all the disordered thinking that goes with it) has absolutely nothing to do with you, in any way, shape, or form, so please try your hardest to disregard any blaming. It’s not reality.
You are not alone.
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That is a great, great breakthrough for her to have complete insight and I hope that you understand how very rare it is for a loved one with sz or sza to have such a conclusion. The majority of our loved one have not had that realization and may not ever be able to.
I hope she can get started on treatment as soon as possible. While she is under 18 and you can be involved in her treatment is the absolute best time to get her started. Those of us whose loved ones had onset after 18, or who lost ability to help their child after they turned 18 will probably agree.
Thank you for posting that great news.
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Oh my, well said. Thank you. I still react to the blaming statements, even with my daughter on meds these last two weeks. She feels I am to blame as I was not helping her enough in her childhood or even now… But the meds she is on have her mellowed out QUITE a bit so there aren’t rants happening really.
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She is actually going to be 18 in January… a senior in high school. I am not sure if she is going to college right away… the thought of four more years of school gives her anxiety…so we are not going to push her… when or even if she is ready to go to college she would go to study art. Most likely she will continue to stay at home with us for a while… she still doesn’t have a driver’s license
My daughter did say that she knows there will be times when she could feel anxious and have panic attacks about this again, but she added, “I know that you and mom will be there to help me though it.”
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Oh, that is so nice!
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This is an old thread, but I feel moved to answer!
The things that have worked for me is:
- Do my very very best not to take it personally (this is not him, it is the disease talking)
- Address the feeling. If it is anger, it is because he feels something is unfair, if it is sadness, there is a perception of loss, and so on and so forth… When I address the feeling he has often told me “Thanks Mom! THAT is the kind of answer I expect from my family… yes, my situation is horrible!!” and calms down…
NEVER ever ever in the history of ever, do I issue the words: “Calm Down!”
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