Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How does your relationship survive


#1

I am in the position of having to make a choice that many of us have had to make along this journey with our loved ones. I am going to have to have my wife put in the hospital whether she wants to go or not. My only option at this point is a 72 hour hold for them to try to stabilize her and hopefully get through to her.

My question is, how do you repair the damage of this complete breach of trust. Both within yourself and she probably will point the finger at me anyway. She has lobbed all sorts of unfounded accusations at me as of late.

I just cant allow this to continue in our home anymore.


#2

You are doing the responsible thing, putting her in hospital. My ex-husband never held it against me when I’ve had to have him hospitalized . He recognized his behavior was out of control.After a few days of treatment, your wife may come to the same conclusion.

Even if she doesn’t recognize that she needed to go to the hospital, you have to think of it this way: if the situation was reversed, wouldn’t you want someone to take steps to get you treated.

I’ve said this before on this site, remember you are the sane one.


#3

My son hasn’t held this against me - at the time, however, he thought I was an imposter. It is the best thing I have done. It’s crucial, that you advocate for her while she is in there and don’t give up on her. Visit, even if she won’t see you. Hippa (if you are in the States) won’t let you talk to her Doc unless she signs a release, however, there are ways around that too.


#4

Trust isn’t something that’s lost or gained in single great actions.
Like most facets of our lives, trust is influenced a tiny bit by every decision we make and every action we take. There is no great final battle, no epic action sequence and no great plot twist like in movies.

Choose the best option you have, even out of a set of less-than-ideal options. Have the integrity to own your decisions and meet the potential outcomes with humility and strength. Say what you will do, and then do what you say. Trust is made of these things.
Adversity, and our actions to try to overcome it, is not betrayal.

You believe in her ability to regain her peace of mind and her contentment. You take action to help her regain those things, no matter how hard it is on you.
That seems trustworty to me.
It will seem so to her eventually, too.


#5

I am in the states. She signed a release so I have some access. I would never give up on her. Most of her “family” did in some of her darkest hours both before we were together and after. I put “family” in quotes because I’ve never seen anything like that. I’ve never seen a family just bail on someone like that

I’ll put her in if I have too and probably will none of us can continue like this.

Never thought I’d have to make this type of choice.


#6

Unfortunately she, depending on where she is in her cycle of things in her head says I’m a liar, am cheating on her, etc. Then that will subside for a time (I completley lost my shit on her one morning and had to walk away I was shaking I was so mad) I regretted it from the moment it ended and have apologized many times to her. I’m human and my frustration gets the better of me.

So I have no clue what view she has of me as she doesnt tell me anything and fumes about it.

Then I’ll get periods of calm like none of this is happening.

At the end of the day shes getting to a point that she needs help, wont make the discision to do it, and the choice is going to get made for her.

I will have to live with that choice, look myself in the mirror, and know it was the right thing because she is getting worse not better. It will be a scar on my being for a long time. One that I hope she will understand was not made lightly and with her health and wellbeing in mind, and that of our families as well.

My step son Alex is starting to draw away from her, she hasnt noticed it like I have. He has always been attached to her hip as his actual father is dead. He is worried about her and is a little scared by things she does (nothing violent or dangerous).

I want my wife back and he wants and needs his mother. I just pray our family survives this.

Thanks for help, advise etc. Sorry if I’m all over and ranting.


#7

Rant away, dude. That’s what we’re all here for in the first place. Well, that and answers, I guess.

From the way you describe her approach with you, it seems like her opinion of you is at the worst only when it is based entirely outside of your actual deeds.
There is an instictive component to trust. No matter how much conviction she seems to hold to when making rediculous accusations toward you, she instinctively feel the lack of gravity to it all. It’s not actionable outside outbursts of emotion (hopefully not physically) and harsh words.
She knows on an instictive level that you are valuable and trustworthy. That’s why she puts you in such extreme positions where you are forced to act decisively, like committing her to a treatment facility.

Maybe she doesn’t have the capacity to make that choice for herself.
Maybe she doesn’t have the guts.
But she trusts that you do.

You are facing the only true test of strength in any man; you are handed a heavy burden, with long-lasting implications and a set of violently conflicting morals. On behalf of your family’s welfare, safety and quality of life, you make the best choices you can.

Any guy can say mean things they ought to regret.
But to carry on by showing humility and without saving face is a true demonstration of strength and integrity.

Any guy can find themself facing a set of crappy options.
But only the strongest can shoulder all of the responsibility and all of the consequences individually.