This is a very tricky business indeed.
I don’t think group interventions work with schizophrenia. I’ve read their paranoi prevents them from being effective. I think just talking and building the relationship is the best way.
I’d like to think i wouldn’t lie about such a thing but then again, living with this horrifying illness can really take its toll on caregivers over time, and I’ve only been at this for about a year. I can see where total desperation would sink in.
My son got on the wrong bus last night after work and ended up in a town 45 minutes away. Thankfully he had a charged phone and called. I shudder to think what would have become of him without his phone… but anyway, after that incident I managed to convince him to take a xyprexa last night. He still hasn’t shown his face today and it is 4 PM.
He is also on the brink of losing his job, a job he has only because my brother in law owns a company and is trying to help him out. But he is doing very badly there and for now, will not be attending work.
Tough times ahead but past the crying, all you can do is press on.
@JooJoo - Perhaps he needs a rest from the work, some time off? Our one visit to the psychiatrist when I thought my son could get a job he said - I wouldn’t push it. He actually did work for a few weeks (3 or 4 days - 2 hours) with a group that helps folks with MI get jobs. They are pretty much against meds but after a few times there they told him he had to go on meds or he couldn’t continue the job. And now he stays home - I’m hopeful that he just needs to rest and get a ton of sleep. Today he actually left the house for 30 minutes. I’m not pushing him, I’m just going to let him do what he can when he’s ready. Glad your son called you and got home safely.
Yes he is going to take a few days off at least, though he doesn’t know it yet. He comes home every day and says how great work is going. But we know the truth is far from that. It might be just the thing to get him back on the meds. He liked having this job and we’re going to have to tell him that if he doesn’t take his meds, he will lose the job.
Really, really hoping yours keeps taking the med.
I think I have run out of tears somewhere along the way. Sometimes it seems like the good days are good just because they aren’t bad days.
Thanks hope. I really enjoy your thoughtful posts and comments. They are soothing.
I realize I told you some of the same things in different responses. It’s hard to keep what you’ve said to whom straight on here!
I’m sure I too will run out of tears at some point. We don’t really have ‘good days’. My son is very difficult to be around, even on his best days. There is no cheer in him. No vitality. Just a silent dark cloud sitting at the dinner table doing strange things.
I am 3 classes into the NAMI Family to Family class now and more committed than ever to advocate for my son. As his mother, who is better suited???
Wasn’t exactly how I pictured my retirement but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Thanks JooJoo, I try. I am grateful for how much everyone on this board helps me.
Really so glad you are taking Family to Family. We were totally clueless until we landed at FtF - of course you’ve done so much already. No one is better suited than you to advocate for your son. Would he take Peer to Peer do you think?
Even when Jeb gets caught up in his beliefs that we have hurt him and kept him captive, he still calls when he has a problem. Its not much, but its something.
So far, my son (Nicholas) has shown ZERO interest in people or things, even here at home. Hopefully at some point he will attend peer-to-peer sessions or something similar. He said he is interested in the “Hearing Voices” movement. Have you heard of it?
A prompt just indicated I am replying too many times to one person so I just pressed general reply.
The hardest thing is when the loved one doesn’t believe we have their best interests at heart. I already went through that when my brother had brain cancer. Now again with my son.
Some good news regarding meds. I never thought he’d start taking them again so don’t lose hope out there!
My son came to dinner this evening and I explained to him, in the calm, unemotional voice I’ve learned REALLY works, that in order to keep his job (which he likes) he HAS to start taking the Xyprexa again. I explained a few (of a long list) of the problems that had been noticed at work and how likely it is that psychosis was causing it, etc. Then I said, “Does this make sense to you?” and he said it did. He wanted to know who we talked to and I told him it was the head cheese, the owner of the company (my brother-in-law) who called. THAT got his attention because he respects the man very much. The truth is if he loses this job, there won’t be another one. He isn’t capable of finding himself a job, at least not any time in the near future. I think he kind of knows this at some level.
The amazing thing is that this is ONE day after his first Zyprexa pill in about two-and-a-half months. One day and he is already more lucid. It absolutely boggles the mind how fast that stuff works for him. It is also amazing how fast the psychosis returned when he stopped taking it.
The best news is that he took another pill tonight.
JooJoo,I commend both you and your soon for him getting on the bus. Taking the job and attempting it. Getting on the bus can be such great metaphor for life and so often we convince ourselves and our loved ones it’s safer not to get on the bus. At least that is what I’ve felt that I have done.
I guess that’s where I find myself right now this morning wondering what my son can and will be able to do when he gets home. Whether this is the best place for him again and how much will you be able to do. What makes me think it will be any different? It’s not up to me but we will be here to encourage and build him up.
Let him know he isn’t a failure just be caused he failed at something. Ask him what he learned about himself that can give him strength for his next life challenge.
I know he’s figuring it out too and it’s great he got out for 30 minutes. I’m assuming he drives so that alone opens up a world for him. IMO I hope he can stay on the zyprexa if he takes it late at night, he can get a good nights sleep and be fresh in the am. God bless us all.
@JooJoo I did just read up about the Hearing Voices Movement. At first glance it looks like an anti-medication movement that has been around for a while. On one hand I would like my son to not feel bad about hearing voices, on the other hand, I would like him to be on meds so his voices stop tormenting him. Mine believes his voices, that belief just keeps growing and feeds the delusions.
Yes, this is a frequent source of pain for me. As his illness progresses, my son pulls further and further away. He becomes a little more certain every day that we only intend him harm. Even when he calls for help, its starting to look like his illness confabulates that we are helping him only because we feel guilty for doing the things he believes we have done to him.
I am so relieved that Nicholas took another Zyprexa - what a good talk you had with him as well!
And yes, we should never lose hope.
He doesn’t drive. He knows how to drive and has driven but currently, driving would not be prudent.
I’m finding myself losing hope a little though that he can continue working or ever really hold a job to support himself. At this time, he can’t even come close to caring for himself.
It’s still too early to tell what his longterm prognosis will be but in the back of my mind I’m thinking, diagnosis please, so we can get on with the SSI and Medicaid.
I feel the same. My son is at the point of wanting to believe that somehow his voices are helping him but then he also told me that they are hell.
You probably know more about the HV movement than I do already. If it is anti-med I would probably not encourage him but I was just thinking of a social outlet, ANY social outlet for him. He is isolated in his own little world, locked inside himself. It is SO very sad.
As much as the diagnosis will cause you a whole new period of grieving, it may also give you some peace, as you will be able to set him up with long term financial support.
Nobody wants the diagnosis. I understand.
We just discovered our 34 year old son stopped taking his medicine a month ago…in the past 4 weeks he has spiraled down to a dark place. He was diagnosed 4 years ago, lost his dream job due to his illness & is disabled now. He became a father last year & stays home to care for the baby while the mom works. They were doing good until he stopped his medication & self medicated with marijuana, which we think is a trigger for him, but he thinks helps his severe anxiety attacks. He is now isolating, mumbling, drinking heavily, exhibiting unusual behavior. We’ve begged him to go to a NAMI meeting, he’s never been, we just discovered NAMI & are attending our first family support meeting this week.
So grateful for this site:pray:
@Chermom - Mine self medicates with marijuana when he can get it. Glad you found NAMI, do you think your son would take the Peer to Peer class NAMI offers? So sorry your son has stopped taking his med. Praying that you will find a way to get him back on them as soon as possible.
Not that I know of. He has never told me that he can hear them say things. Although he has said things like “they said________ would happen” whenever something happens. For example right now he works at a grocery store and he would say something like, “they said I would end up in this specific grocery store.” I’m not sure if he actually hears them saying this to him or if he just attributes everything that happens in his life to “them.”
I get that with “them”. My son often thinks everything is related and is planned and it’s happening for a reason etc.