How to build trust and reconnect when my partner is delusional/psychotic?

Family
1

Hi,

My partner for 4 years has been cold and indifferent since January this year. He turned from being a warm and loving person, into a cruel, cold person who lacks empathy. We’re not living together, and used to lived with each other every second week. The doctor change his dosage to a lower level in December 2020, and my partner has been more unstable since, with an increase in his symptoms from September last year.

After lots of reading, searching, communication here on the board and talk with people who work with SZ, I’ve gain insight this summer, what the disease is all about.

With the little conctact that I have with my partner, I see that his illness has gotten worse over the summer. We have conctact by phone, and I saw him in July in the city, but he is not contacting me on his own. When I text him a message he responds immedately, and he seems open to interact with me. He also said that he wants to meet me later this autumn.

Somehow I am a part of his delusions because of his anger and anxiety concerning me and our relationship. And it seems like he dont trust me. He behaves and speaks like he only knows me a little (alienated?), like we did when we started dating. He answers polite and in a positive way. But for the first time since he broke up in January he has talked a little about us and our relationship again, like he is thinking of comming back (not now, but later). It seems that there is a change going on in his mind, but slowly though. It gives me a little hope, but I am afraid that it’s false hope.

I am trying to make him trust me again, and from one on this board I’ve been recommended to send him low-key messages like photographs, music and other things he likes. That’s functioning and it makes me happy everytime he responds. I am sending him one messages a week, because I don’t want to push him.

Were do I go from here? I know about LEAP. How can I use that in text messages?
And is messages once a week to little when I am trying to reconnect with him?
Is it good to repeat what I am doing when I am reaching out?

If you would like to share your experience of how you reached out to your loved one in a similar situation as me, it would make me happy.

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Hi @Lorelai24 , I am sorry that your relationship is suffering because of this disease. It unfortunately often makes the ill person very distrustful of his partner and caregivers. I know that sometimes that distrust never improves. I hope someone who’s had success with a partner can reach out to you with any tips. Reviewing past posts is the best summary of advice, I believe. Honestly, my daughter’s trust level never changed without medication changes, so I can’t offer help in reference to a partner relationship.

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Thanks for answering me @oldladyblue

My partner also need to adjust his meds, like your daughter, to trust me again.

What I am hoping for and trying to do is to make him trust me so he see that I’m on his side. And when (or if) he do so, I will try to use the LEAP method to talk with him about his meds.
If he doesn’t respond, I have to send a report/letter of concern to his doctor. As he walks around these days, it is for certain that he needs help. Other members of my family has observed him in public, and they told me that he doesn’t look well. They’ve seen the same as me.

It’s very positive that he wants to meet me, and I hope it won’t be too long.

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Using LEAP to gain trust is using it constantly in every conversation throughout every conversation forever. People often make the mistake of thinking " I will use LEAP when I am trying to convince them of something I want them to do, know or believe".

Then normies declare that LEAP doesn’t work. Our family members will struggle every day, 24 hours a day, they need the reassurance of LEAP 24 hours a day.

Is it a limited conversation? Yes.

A woman who attended Family to Family with us was always “yes, I read the LEAP book but still my son doesn’t take meds”. She would tell her son “you are sick that is why you think these things, you need to see a doctor”. It’s been twelve years and her family hasn’t changed one thing about how THEY react to her son.

Reading the book doesn’t change anything. Wanting to use LEAP in a conversation to convince them of something shows a total lack of understanding about the LEAP process.

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[quote=“hope, post:4, topic:14219”]
Is it a limited conversation? Yes.
[/quote

yes so true, I had one of those today.

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That is always a good idea. The doctor may not be able to respond to you depending on the laws in your area, but informing the doctor of what is going on could help your partner to get better care.

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