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How to deal with my sadness of my sons schizophrenia


I’m new here, and although it’s not my son’s first experience with psychosis, we’re dealing with his first hospitalization and I don’t know if it was the right thing - or the biggest mistake ever. I guess only time will tell.

He got sick for the first time when he was 15, he’s 27 now, and we’ve had all kinds of diagnoses, and I’ve always went back & forth with SZ, but now I’m kind of sure. I’ve never seen him so sick, and I’m scared for him for about a million different reasons.

Just wanted to say this post made me sad for all of us, but the hopeful posts really helped me, so thank you everyone.


If he lives with you, I know what I would do. Are you against giving it to him or finding something he would take. I hate waiting around for the the shoe that is relapse to drop. God bless you


I don’t know if it was the right thing - or the biggest mistake ever. I guess only time will tell.

That is the most accurate way to explain the angst one feels when we send our loved ones to the hospital. Hang in there and do some nice things for yourself so you can feel relaxed the next time you visit or talk to him. My son is very sensitive to our emotions.


Wow - my son is very sensitive to our emotions as well. He picks up on them & practically mirrors them, and has since he was a very small child.

One time, he asked me if I thought maybe he was autistic. I told him that if anything, he was the opposite of that - he picks up on every emotion, tone of voice, facial expression, body language. It’s like he has no filter and no emotional skin sometimes.

His room is worse than something off hoarders - I’m cleaning, and trying to find the right balance so he can come home to a clean room, but that it’s not so different that it sets off his paranoia since he left thinking the whole house was bugged. That means I’ll get up all the trash & dishes, organize what I usually do when he lets me help him, and shampoo the carpet/wash down the walls if I have time. It’ll do me more good than anything else.


He isolates himself almost completely, thinking no one else has the same problems.

Now, I’m hoping cautiously that being around other people with similar things going on, who don’t appear afraid to be in the hospital, will be good for him, too.

I was the only visitor to his area on Thursday, so I got a fairly good look at how things were going on in there. I liked how the staff interacted with the patients (they talked a girl down who was mad & confronting her friend who had lied to her & worked the situation out), and they would speak to my son, but didn’t try to stop his constant pacing or do anything else to upset him.

The one tech who talked the girl down told me she would try to talk to him about how important it was to take his meds, so while I haven’t spoken to the doctor, the people working there seem to care. I’m sure they all don’t, that would be impossible, but at least everyone seems kind so far.


I was told once by a nurse that the pacing is a coping mechanism for them. I like the hospitals that have circular walkways around the nurses station. My son likes to walk in circles and I would join him and walk during our visits. We’re starting to walk together outdoors to and it is calming and good for both of us.


I’m going to start sharing the positive things I read on here with my family and try them. There are two great videos on here that are helpful as is the LEAP training.


I agree about that for the pacing, although it takes some time to get used to.

Walking outdoors would be wonderful. I’ve only been able to get him to do that a time or two in the woods behind our house, and it’s hunt club property, so we’re technically trespassing, but it’s safe if it’s not hunting season here.

Lots of people walk the road in our neighborhood, but he’s uncomfortable around people, and doesn’t always want to be seen with “mom” - plus, he probably thinks everyone’s looking at him from the houses. I think some of his voices are hearing other people say he’s too old to go everywhere with me, and that he should be more independent, etc. Of course, that’s what he wishes for himself.

I’m glad that your son likes to walk with you. Maybe we’ll get there someday.


Now that I’ve unloaded a little, what is the discharge process?

I’m sure he would call me, but he didn’t sign a release & I don’t know that he will.

Will they still include the family in the discharge plan so we know what meds he’s taking, when he should see a doctor, etc?

We’re actually in the middle of picking a new psychiatrist. He was still seeing the pediatric psychiatrist from when he first had problems, but on the last visit he had finally said it was time to pick an adult doctor who knows more about adult dosing, new meds that haven’t been approved for kids, etc.

I have asked if it was time several times over the past years, and his dr had always said he’d hang with him a little longer. I have to wonder if he saw something coming, or if the stress of finding a new doctor set this off, or what - I’m sure it wasn’t the whole problem, but maybe a contributing factor.

Thanks for listening, and sympathizing with me, and for the information - I’m going to try to get some cleaning done while I can.


We own a farm and it is a Godsend. I don’t know how my son could live in the city. It is a blessing and a dilemma because we aren’t eager to try anything else. My husband is frazzled and needs a break but won’t take one because he thinks it would leave me alone. I’ve cancelled two vacations and refuse to plan another. We haven’t been away together for give years and as a family four years. I miss traveling but count my blessings. This year I got into gardening, around my home. I can step out for a few minutes and weeds in the morning or late evening and still be around. His escape is on his mower and even that is not rejuvenating. Between my husband and son, I have my hands full. My husband isn’t Sz but has low tolerance for stress. He is going to Doctor next month for himself. He tried to get in May. My son is starting to pick on him and it really hurts both of us. I found myself jumping in beside him last night to help defend him. We’re waiting for his shot to take affect and have a dr appt in two weeks. It isn’t emergency yet but close. I need to start a journal for the doctor. Have a good day


I hope you have a good day too.

We have 50 acres of property about 45 minutes from where we live. We have a camper out there with all my husband’s hunting dogs, so he stays out there a lot to keep the stress at home down.

I’m sure we’ll put a house out there sometime, but I’m not sure if me & our son will move out there because it would put him so far from things & isolate him more. It would be very peaceful though, so it’s a catch 22.

My husband isn’t SZ either, but he’s probably very mildly bipolar - enough to make him a challenge to live with, but not so bad that he can’t function. He saw a therapist once who thought adult ADHD - that would fit too. He does much better out in the country most of the time than he does at home, so it’s good for him there.

He’s been resistant to seeing that our son has a very serious mental health issue - something more than just bad anxiety, or from some trauma that we never found out about as a kid. I think the hospitalization has finally made him accept it and we’re going to a support group next Tuesday. I think he would benefit from some therapy too, but he has to want to go. Maybe, that will happen too.

Part of me wants to think that this hospitalization was a very good thing for all of us - a turning point - but I’ve learned to keep my expectations & hopes very, very low for my own sanity.


I’ve felt the same way about NAMI and support of any kind: agencies, psychiatrists, friends and family when dealing with SZ.

This site has been the best for support and comfort so far.

Would like to hear how you handle holidays with your SZ family member.

Because of very violent recurrent behavior, I have had to tell my44-year-old son

he cannot come to my home,ever. This is the most heart breaking thing

as he’s deeply afraid of being homeless. I share his fear.

Generally, I plan 2 holidays, one at his place, the other with the rest of the family at my home.

He has come to accept this immense disappointment. And we carry on.

It is an immense comfort to write about these matters and be heard.

Look forward to hearing your responses.

Vermont Woman


Our son got sick before he moved out and is socially awkward. We are still allowing him to live at home but it gets hard. For now holidays are not a problem but I did miss several in a row due to his behavior heading there. Last year, I told her him we are going there at least for a little while. I’m from a large family and holidays aren’t the same unless I see my siblings. I try my best to include my son in all our days and plans. It doesn’t always work but we attempt it regardless. He is usually glad to see his cousins and aunts and uncles. It’s very grounding for him at least it has been.


If you leave a message with the case worker that you want a family meeting, I think it will happen right before you pick him up. He is there of course and they go over medications. I would suggest making a copy of the discharge papers and filing them in a binder along with any med changes or programs he is involved in. Good luck and have an blessed day.


How very sad.!Where is his place? Has he found a place to live?


@VermontWoman1 – Funny you should mention the upcoming holidays, as just this morning I was pondering that very thing. Son has alienated everyone in our immediate family, his dad, 31-yr old sister, and almost me. I’m hanging by a thread.

This will be the first holiday season that son has not lived at home. He is in a room & board home across town, about 45 mins away. Since his discharge from the hospital and moving into the home, he has stopped doing illegal drugs, so this is a plus. He quit taking his Invega Trinza injection in May and was unmedicated for a while and at the same time doing drugs. He was in a terrible, terrible state. He now takes only Abilify 20 mg. That’s all he will take. It’s not doing the job either. I drove him to his doctor’s appt this week, so spent a lot of time with him in the car. On the one hand he is doing better since he stopped the illicit drugs, but on the other he is completely delusional. It wore me out just listening to him :confounded: .

But back to the holidays, I just can’t bear the thought of him spending Thanksgiving and Christmas all alone, so I’m thinking I will take a day during those weeks and take him out to eat, and just hang out for a while. What’s doubly bad is that his birthday is late November, falling around Thanksgiving. If I bring him back to our home to spend the night, it would create tension and friction with his dad and sister so I don’t think that will work.

Like your son, I think my son is afraid of being homeless too. I have told him he cannot come back home and the room & board home is his last stop before becoming homeless. I think he’s finally realizing the severity of his situation since he is not putting up too much of a fuss about his living conditions.


I deeply appreciate your recent post.

I really manage the Holidays also.

Please keep in touch as we manage

this difficult, little understood disease.

United We Stand!

Vermont Woman


I think I would just pack up stuff to take him if he can’t be at home. I would but his favorite goodies. I am always buying socks, underwear, and shoes since he loses them. It makes the holidays sad when family can’t be together but he is still your family. God bless


@Mom2 - Good ideas, thanks. On one of the trips I will bring our boxer. Son loves that dog more than life itself I think. He talks about her all the time and has always treated her like a princess:)


Yes, He would love that I bet.