Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Husband, still unmedicated and getting worse

It’s been a long while since I posted. We moved from Wa to Tx in July becuz husband (57) said "Wa is whats making him hear voices and Texas would help. So we picked up and moved 2,000 miles away. We bought a new home (had it built) and moved in in Dec. He’s unmedicated and only getting worse. I knew it wasn’t true but I had to let him try for himself to prove it wasn’t true. He’s getting more and more paranoid and now he’s got a new thing: He’s now using drugs. He’s using speed about 2x a month. He gets them mailed from his sister in Oregon for like 2 days 2x a month (he knows no on in Tx so thats good otherwise he’s pick this habit back up again - he used to be an addict until about 20 yrs ago when he got clean) and he’s drinking. So he’s self medicating. He says he’s “following the program and getting ready for whats coming next”. Each time he does it is the “last time” but the program is not completed so he has to use again. During this time (we weren’t together during the time we was an addict, we’ve been married for 10 yrs) he literally follows me EVERYWHERE. Everytime I go to the bathroom, he goes with me, including the middle of the nite. He says he’s scared for my safety. If I go into the kitchen, he goes.

Even when he’s not using, and he’s sleeping, I have to wake him up to tell him I’m going to the bathroom, as he doesn’t trust me. If I get up and don’t tell him, I must have snuck out and slept with a neighbor. Our bathroom is literally 15 ft away. He accuses me of cheating on him constantly. I even sleep with my uncle, my cousin, my stepson, my 92 yr old father in law, my stepdad, and even the guy behind the counter at the rental car agency (while hubby was there- it was actually my clone but it was still my fault). I can’t even talk to men otherwise I’m accused of flirting.Its getting really bad.

I’m serious about my vows. I know he’s got a brain illness. He absolutely refuses to believe there’s anything wrong with him so he won’t see anyone or take meds. We do see a couple therapist, as I thought that might be a step into a therapist for him. She recommended it the last time we talked to her and he said he’d think about it but he hasn’t done anything about it. I love him very much and until 2 yrs ago, the meds he was on (he was under control for 20 yrs on his meds) u never even saw an inkling of Sz. The BAM - they came on all of a sudden. Then last year he quit taking his meds altogether.

Can I hear from the spouses who r in a similar situation? Who can’t stand the thought of leaving but also can’t stand the thought of living forever like this?

Marci

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Ever thought of having him placed in a facility under the Marchman Act? While it addresses drug abuse, I know they see many with a dual diagnosis of mental illness.

And just to throw food in for thought (sorry), the sister (and possibly your husband) could get into trouble at the federal level since sending illegal drugs by mail is a federal offense. Might give him something to think about when you can catch him in a rational moment.

I was serious about my vows as well until the suicide threats began and the safety of our only child was at risk. I stuck it out for 15 years. I found out that my husband slept with more women than he could remember - I think he thought telling me would make him feel better!? Now my son is SZ and if I’d had to deal with them both, I would have probably gotten in my car and driven away. Its been more than 40 years that I’ve been dealing with someone else’s mental problems and I’m exhausted.

I hope you can find some type of outlet that will secure both of your futures. Best wishes, :palm_tree:

UPDATE: My husband is on day 3 of involuntary commitment. It got super scary and I began to be afraid of him (he hadn’t slept in days and his anger was out of control). He had his probably cause hearing today to see if they were send him home today or stay for 2 more weeks. I wrote a heartfelt letter to the judge and a paragraph to his defense attorney. I have to be his voice since he can’t be right now. He called me right after the hearing and I was surprised that he said that the judge told him after he spoke with his psychiatrist, he could go home and he’d call me when to pick him up. Then we’d go to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription.

Then his social worker called. The judge asked him if he heard voices and he said yes. And he admitted that he didn’t need meds. The judge asked him if he thought that was normal and he said yes. He told him that he was going to stay for 14 more days. Is he that lost that he misunderstood? I didn’t hear from him for hours so I called (they have a phone in the day room that I can call on). He was still waiting to talk to the dr and still thought he was coming home today. When I told him they were keeping him for at least another week (the SW said they may revisit it next week, depending on how he was doing), he got angry at me and told me I did this to me and was still “running programs” on him (everything is computer related to him). That when he did get out, he was leaving for good, that I wasted 11 years of his life and we just bought a brand new home (we literally just built a home and moved in 2 mths ago) for nothing. And hung up on me. I understand that 3 days on the meds is nothing and it’s not long enuf to feel the benefits. I’m hoping that 2 weeks is long enuf to feel a benefit, that he will feel a little more normal and the voices will quiet a little and he’ll want to stay on them. For 18 yrs, his SZ was totally under control with meds, until they stopped working and then he quit taking them 9 mths ago. Then there was nothing wrong with him. When he was controlled on his meds, he understood he had Sz, saw his psych regularly and took his meds everyday. He had no symptoms. Then, after 18 yrs, they started losing their efficacy and he spiraled and quit taking them altogether. Then he refused to admit (he has anosognosia, inability to see that he’s ill) that he was ill. Why would anyone take a medication with awful side effects if there’s nothing wrong with them? Totally understandable! I had to get a court order to get into to the hospital against his will, which he was angry with me - for a day then he was ok. Now he’s back to being angry with me, even tho I had nothing to do with keeping him, as far as he knows.

Why do I feel so guilty? I feel like the letter I wrote to the judge is what sealed the deal - which I hope that it did. He needs a fighting chance and 3 days wasn’t going to give him that. Yesterday he called me 12 times before 2pm. Worried about me vacuuming the bedroom, paying 2 bills, people stealing from our bank acct, men being at our home, me sleeping with men [thats a BIG 1, he always believes that I’m sleeping with men], worried about everything.

For those who’s loved ones started taking meds, how long before they started feeling beter, at least a little more normal and the voices started quieting down a little? I know it’s going to take longer than 2 weeks before he’s going to be at his peak, but I need to know if he’s going to feel somewhat better at 2 weeks or is this stay going to be worth nothing and if he’s going to come out exactly like he went in. I appreciate any info anyone has!

Oh, he’s on 1mg of Risperidone during the day and 2mg at night and 1,000 mg of Depakote at night

Marci