It’s been a long while since I posted. We moved from Wa to Tx in July becuz husband (57) said "Wa is whats making him hear voices and Texas would help. So we picked up and moved 2,000 miles away. We bought a new home (had it built) and moved in in Dec. He’s unmedicated and only getting worse. I knew it wasn’t true but I had to let him try for himself to prove it wasn’t true. He’s getting more and more paranoid and now he’s got a new thing: He’s now using drugs. He’s using speed about 2x a month. He gets them mailed from his sister in Oregon for like 2 days 2x a month (he knows no on in Tx so thats good otherwise he’s pick this habit back up again - he used to be an addict until about 20 yrs ago when he got clean) and he’s drinking. So he’s self medicating. He says he’s “following the program and getting ready for whats coming next”. Each time he does it is the “last time” but the program is not completed so he has to use again. During this time (we weren’t together during the time we was an addict, we’ve been married for 10 yrs) he literally follows me EVERYWHERE. Everytime I go to the bathroom, he goes with me, including the middle of the nite. He says he’s scared for my safety. If I go into the kitchen, he goes.
Even when he’s not using, and he’s sleeping, I have to wake him up to tell him I’m going to the bathroom, as he doesn’t trust me. If I get up and don’t tell him, I must have snuck out and slept with a neighbor. Our bathroom is literally 15 ft away. He accuses me of cheating on him constantly. I even sleep with my uncle, my cousin, my stepson, my 92 yr old father in law, my stepdad, and even the guy behind the counter at the rental car agency (while hubby was there- it was actually my clone but it was still my fault). I can’t even talk to men otherwise I’m accused of flirting.Its getting really bad.
I’m serious about my vows. I know he’s got a brain illness. He absolutely refuses to believe there’s anything wrong with him so he won’t see anyone or take meds. We do see a couple therapist, as I thought that might be a step into a therapist for him. She recommended it the last time we talked to her and he said he’d think about it but he hasn’t done anything about it. I love him very much and until 2 yrs ago, the meds he was on (he was under control for 20 yrs on his meds) u never even saw an inkling of Sz. The BAM - they came on all of a sudden. Then last year he quit taking his meds altogether.
Can I hear from the spouses who r in a similar situation? Who can’t stand the thought of leaving but also can’t stand the thought of living forever like this?