Husband, still unmedicated and getting worse

[Marci]

It’s been a long while since I posted. We moved from Wa to Tx in July becuz husband (57) said "Wa is whats making him hear voices and Texas would help. So we picked up and moved 2,000 miles away. We bought a new home (had it built) and moved in in Dec. He’s unmedicated and only getting worse. I knew it wasn’t true but I had to let him try for himself to prove it wasn’t true. He’s getting more and more paranoid and now he’s got a new thing: He’s now using drugs. He’s using speed about 2x a month. He gets them mailed from his sister in Oregon for like 2 days 2x a month (he knows no on in Tx so thats good otherwise he’s pick this habit back up again - he used to be an addict until about 20 yrs ago when he got clean) and he’s drinking. So he’s self medicating. He says he’s “following the program and getting ready for whats coming next”. Each time he does it is the “last time” but the program is not completed so he has to use again. During this time (we weren’t together during the time we was an addict, we’ve been married for 10 yrs) he literally follows me EVERYWHERE. Everytime I go to the bathroom, he goes with me, including the middle of the nite. He says he’s scared for my safety. If I go into the kitchen, he goes.

Even when he’s not using, and he’s sleeping, I have to wake him up to tell him I’m going to the bathroom, as he doesn’t trust me. If I get up and don’t tell him, I must have snuck out and slept with a neighbor. Our bathroom is literally 15 ft away. He accuses me of cheating on him constantly. I even sleep with my uncle, my cousin, my stepson, my 92 yr old father in law, my stepdad, and even the guy behind the counter at the rental car agency (while hubby was there- it was actually my clone but it was still my fault). I can’t even talk to men otherwise I’m accused of flirting.Its getting really bad.

I’m serious about my vows. I know he’s got a brain illness. He absolutely refuses to believe there’s anything wrong with him so he won’t see anyone or take meds. We do see a couple therapist, as I thought that might be a step into a therapist for him. She recommended it the last time we talked to her and he said he’d think about it but he hasn’t done anything about it. I love him very much and until 2 yrs ago, the meds he was on (he was under control for 20 yrs on his meds) u never even saw an inkling of Sz. The BAM - they came on all of a sudden. Then last year he quit taking his meds altogether.

Can I hear from the spouses who r in a similar situation? Who can’t stand the thought of leaving but also can’t stand the thought of living forever like this?

Marci

[Pookey52]

Ever thought of having him placed in a facility under the Marchman Act? While it addresses drug abuse, I know they see many with a dual diagnosis of mental illness.

And just to throw food in for thought (sorry), the sister (and possibly your husband) could get into trouble at the federal level since sending illegal drugs by mail is a federal offense. Might give him something to think about when you can catch him in a rational moment.

I was serious about my vows as well until the suicide threats began and the safety of our only child was at risk. I stuck it out for 15 years. I found out that my husband slept with more women than he could remember - I think he thought telling me would make him feel better!? Now my son is SZ and if I’d had to deal with them both, I would have probably gotten in my car and driven away. Its been more than 40 years that I’ve been dealing with someone else’s mental problems and I’m exhausted.

I hope you can find some type of outlet that will secure both of your futures. Best wishes,

[marci_cornwall]

UPDATE: My husband is on day 3 of involuntary commitment. It got super scary and I began to be afraid of him (he hadn’t slept in days and his anger was out of control). He had his probably cause hearing today to see if they were send him home today or stay for 2 more weeks. I wrote a heartfelt letter to the judge and a paragraph to his defense attorney. I have to be his voice since he can’t be right now. He called me right after the hearing and I was surprised that he said that the judge told him after he spoke with his psychiatrist, he could go home and he’d call me when to pick him up. Then we’d go to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription.

Then his social worker called. The judge asked him if he heard voices and he said yes. And he admitted that he didn’t need meds. The judge asked him if he thought that was normal and he said yes. He told him that he was going to stay for 14 more days. Is he that lost that he misunderstood? I didn’t hear from him for hours so I called (they have a phone in the day room that I can call on). He was still waiting to talk to the dr and still thought he was coming home today. When I told him they were keeping him for at least another week (the SW said they may revisit it next week, depending on how he was doing), he got angry at me and told me I did this to me and was still “running programs” on him (everything is computer related to him). That when he did get out, he was leaving for good, that I wasted 11 years of his life and we just bought a brand new home (we literally just built a home and moved in 2 mths ago) for nothing. And hung up on me. I understand that 3 days on the meds is nothing and it’s not long enuf to feel the benefits. I’m hoping that 2 weeks is long enuf to feel a benefit, that he will feel a little more normal and the voices will quiet a little and he’ll want to stay on them. For 18 yrs, his SZ was totally under control with meds, until they stopped working and then he quit taking them 9 mths ago. Then there was nothing wrong with him. When he was controlled on his meds, he understood he had Sz, saw his psych regularly and took his meds everyday. He had no symptoms. Then, after 18 yrs, they started losing their efficacy and he spiraled and quit taking them altogether. Then he refused to admit (he has anosognosia, inability to see that he’s ill) that he was ill. Why would anyone take a medication with awful side effects if there’s nothing wrong with them? Totally understandable! I had to get a court order to get into to the hospital against his will, which he was angry with me - for a day then he was ok. Now he’s back to being angry with me, even tho I had nothing to do with keeping him, as far as he knows.

Why do I feel so guilty? I feel like the letter I wrote to the judge is what sealed the deal - which I hope that it did. He needs a fighting chance and 3 days wasn’t going to give him that. Yesterday he called me 12 times before 2pm. Worried about me vacuuming the bedroom, paying 2 bills, people stealing from our bank acct, men being at our home, me sleeping with men [thats a BIG 1, he always believes that I’m sleeping with men], worried about everything.

For those who’s loved ones started taking meds, how long before they started feeling beter, at least a little more normal and the voices started quieting down a little? I know it’s going to take longer than 2 weeks before he’s going to be at his peak, but I need to know if he’s going to feel somewhat better at 2 weeks or is this stay going to be worth nothing and if he’s going to come out exactly like he went in. I appreciate any info anyone has!

Oh, he’s on 1mg of Risperidone during the day and 2mg at night and 1,000 mg of Depakote at night

Marci

[tuttle]

When my wife was hospitalized she also thought she’d get out after 48 hours, told me to get ready to come pick her up, then at her hearing she was judged to be gravely disabled and ended up staying another two weeks. I would say that she was definitely more clear headed after two weeks of medication, but that also brought on a lot of anger with me for being the one that called 911. She also had anosognosia (and still does).

I have to say I have never felt any regret about making that call – I’m certain I’ve made lots of other mistakes dealing with this situation but that call is one of the things I did right.

[oldladyblue]

@marci_cornwall

Why do I feel so guilty?

Oh my, certainly I felt guilty when I called the police, spoke to the judge and gave Ok for my daughter to be force injected. It feels terrible to impose these things on your adult daughter. And it doesn’t get easier when you have to do it again, and again, as sometimes the first time isn’t enough.

But, I can tell you that whatever I did that made me feel guilty during my daughter’s years of psychosis doesn’t make me feel guilty anymore. She has been helped out of the pit of psychosis by luck, Grace of God, or my sheer persistence at trying to help her even at a great cost to me.

For her, the right medicine worked almost immediately, and is still working, but it was NOT the first medicine she was put on. I think only trial and error (and a journal I kept so I could remember all details) worked.

Don’t feel guilty, you are trying to help someone who can’t help themselves.

[Rissaka]

Hi, I know this post is a little old, but I was just reading and relating to having a mentally ill spouse and wanted to reply. I hope things are going better for you and your husband. This is my first time commenting here, I found a link on reddit. My husband hasn’t been diagnosed with sz but has recently been diagnosed with delusional disorder and acute psychosis, which a lot of the symptoms are the same as sz. I’ve been with him for 13 years and he has always been insecure and paranoid about things but over the last 2 years things have really escalated to full blown delusions and now over the last 2 weeks he can’t even function and go to work. Prior to the acute psychosis he was completely functional and has had the same job for 8 years so this is a drastic change for us in a short amount of time. Over the last 2 years the delusions have mainly centered around me and infidelity, which I have never cheated on him the entire time we’ve been together, but I have been accused of sleeping with every man in town (and even a few women)…friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even my teenage sons friends. About a year ago he became fixated on the neighbor across the street and was convinced I was having an affair with this guy, and that he was sneaking in our house in the middle of the night to have sex with me. He thought this person was hiding in our house all hours of the day and night, and would even check the ceiling rafters because he just knew the guy was there but he couldn’t figure out where he was hiding. He would come home from work and find all this “evidence” that I had been with someone else in the house, accusing me of not going to work and staying home with my lover(s) all day. There was never any actual evidence, it was always normal every day things (a towel on the floor, the bed was different from when he left, the curtains were open so I could watch for him to come home, etc). He began accusing me and my teenage son and his girlfriend of conspiring against him, and thought I had them monitoring his phone and covering for me. The fighting was constant and so stressful that I lost 30 lbs in about 6 months. Then he started accusing me of being on drugs because of the weight loss. About 6 months ago he started having actual hallucinations, mostly auditory but some visual and olfactory. He swore he heard me having sex with someone downstairs the one day when I wasn’t even home. He thought he smelled burning plastic so thought me and the neighbor were running a meth lab. I took drug tests, including two hair tests to try and prove to him I wasn’t doing drugs with the neighbor, and when they came back clean he said I must have somehow cheated. There is so much more, I could honestly write a book. Last Tuesday he went into a full blown psychosis, thought he was receiving telepathic messages, thought he had a computer in his head, he couldn’t go to work. I took him to the ER where he was started on Zyprexa and a psychiatrist to follow up with. He did very well the first few days after starting the Zyprexa, it seemed to work pretty much right away. Last weekend he was like back to normal, more normal than he’d been in years and I was feeling really hopeful. Then he started regressing Monday before going back to work Tuesday. Wednesday I got a call from his boss that he was acting strange on Tuesday (couldn’t keep up with the workload, staring off into space), so I called the psychiatrist who upped the Zyprexa dose. He is still acting strange and I don’t think he should go back to work Monday. Fortunately his employer is being very supportive. I’ve caught him talking to himself a couple times, which makes me think he’s hearing voices. Actually, he told me 2 weeks ago he’s heard voices off and on for 8 years but he wouldn’t tell me what they say other than calling him a loser. He really won’t talk about it. I’m so terrified of what the future holds if he doesn’t get well. He also is an alcoholic and drinks at least 6 beers a night, more on the weekends. I can’t walk away from him, especially not now when he can’t even think clearly or make good decisions for himself. Who would help him? Even though at times he thinks I’m responsible for all this and has accused me of “making him crazy”. He goes back and forth, between acknowledging something is wrong with him to blaming me. I know I just wrote a novel but I’m grateful I found this site and can see I’m not alone, even though it’s terrible for anyone going through this and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. So I’m in the exact situation… I can’t bear the thought of leaving him or giving up hope, but the thought of spending the rest of my life in all this turmoil is awful too.