My thoughts make me feel cheap I don’t feel like I deserve to have friendships or any other relationship for that matter not even my family.
That’s garbage. I have that thought process, too, and it’s kept me from doing what’s right for myself. Everyone has unpleasant thoughts. It doesn’t make you bad or unworthy.
The thing is I realise my thoughts have no basis in reality. but i can’t shake em.
you are a very talented woman and I think you may be “over thinking things”. I have fantastical beliefs but that’s what makes us unique !! Hang in there, kitten !!
Unwanted intrusive thoughts that refuse to leave you alone is a symptom of OCD. There are many different coping methods to get past them. The most popular is CBT, but really, any kind of meditation will help. You need a way to be in charge of your own thoughts. When you feel these thoughts invading you, try doing something that is relaxing and simple, but that requires a lot of concentration. I do baking or cleaning. When you are concentrating on the steps in your task, you won’t have room for intrusive thoughts. It is extremely hard to push the thoughts away at first, but it becomes easier with practice. Another benefit is that after you are done with your task, you will feel proud for accomplishing something, and your feelings of self-worth will rise.
Something as little as liking someone which is very natural but my thoughts tell me it’s wrong evil weird and not right. I can accept for others not for myself. I am frustrated with my inability to build even friendships.
**Those thoughts are not true-and there are probably lots of people that could tell you differently. What you think counts the most though. Might help you to read up on the subject.
You are very special 
Go easy on yourself. You have a lot to offer. You’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re industrious and dependable. But you’re not perfect. But there’s someone out there who would love to meet someone with your qualities.
And a part of making friends is having that thing called “desire”.Having that intent is a good start. There are people out there who want to meet you.