Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I hate this position I'm always put in!


#1

It never seems to end! The constant tug of war with my husband on one side and my son on the other! Me feeling like I have to choose a side! And no matter which direction I go one of them is going to be mad!
If you read my earlier post regarding my son costing my husband a potential job then you know that is the current crisis I’m facing.
Now I had a talk with my son over the phone and told him that he owed both me and his step dad an apology. He kept saying he already had but I explained that blaming his mi on stealing is not an apology and neither is an “I’m sorry” as your walking out the door. He finally understood and apologized to me and o told him to come up here and apologize to his step dad.
I’m currently in bed with massive migraine and I heard the dogs barking so I know it was him knocking on the door. My husband came running into our room acting like he was in the bathroom. When I told him what my son wanted her immediately went on the defensive saying that if I had to tell him to come and apologize then that wasn’t a sincere apology and that I am just taking my sons side again just like I always do. I asked if he would just please allow him to come in and drink a cup of coffee and give his apology. He said no. Not just bc I had to tell him to do so but also bc he doesn’t want to sit in there and listen to his bs by himself. He said even if I wasn’t having a migraine he still doesn’t want to have anything to do with him unless I’m around.
I tried to explain to him that tough love does not work with sz and bpd people. To which he said I’m not tough enough and again said I’m taking my sons side over him.
No matter how much I try seems like I’m always stuck in the middle of the two men I love in this world and constantly being pulled from one side to the other.
I do understand my husband’s point of view, wanting him to apologize and all. I just wish he understood mine and how you have to deal with sz and bpd’s. They can’t process info like a normal person. And they need things explained to them more than once or twice. Heck, my husband didn’t even want to get him some toilet paper!! Said he didn’t care if he had to wipe his butt worth his fingers and then wash his hands!!! That is low down!!
How can I get my husband to see how my son thinks and processes information without him thinking I’m just talking my sons side or that I’m too soft on him?
Currently curled up in bed hiding under covers trying to get rid of migraine and worrying about all this is making me crazy!!


#2

I’ve been there - it’s not fun. Thankfully, my husband (his real dad) has finally came around after a really rough year, but it took me saying, this is what our son probably has, he may never get better, you are not helping - you’re only making it worse. Worse for our son & definitely worse for me. See it for what it is, deal with it, or stay away.

Maybe you two should go to family counseling to discuss it with a third party? Or go to one of the family support groups so he can see you two aren’t the only ones going through this?

I’ve been to one family support group so far, and my husband went with me. I think it did him as much good as it did me just to hear other people going through the same things. It’s sad to hear, but if they can get through it, so can we.

And, yes, the toilet paper thing was low down, but it just shows how frustrated he is. At least if he’s frustrated, on some level he cares, so there’s hope he’ll come around.


#3

Yes, this is a familiar with us too. I make my husband listen to some of the videos on this site about negative symptoms. He doesn’t read about the subject and thinks our son is uncaring and only wants us to support him. It is not true but I hear this a lot. He has said some really hateful stuff to my son when he woke him up once and sometime it’s hard to see who is the sick one here. My husband isn’t resilient and I’m often in the middle. I’m the one who takes him places and gets him out. All I know is it usually gets better so hang in there. Thank God he has another place to go to and there are two of you. It can always be worse and some people on here are the sole caregiver. Hang in there and I hope your migraines get better too! I cannot imagine having to go through this with a migraine.