I’m to be moving 2,000 miles to TX with Sz spouse at the end of the week, as he feels this will be a good fresh start, that Tx will be a great fresh start. He feels that where we’re at is whats causing his Sz (Wa) and that this will cure him). I know thats not true but he won’t budge). He recently spent 7 days as an inpatent and they wanted him another 7 days but since he checked himself in, they couldn’t keep him in any longer than he wanted.He’s totally losing it, more each day. He thinks his son and I are sleeping together (OMG, he is my stepson and OMG). Before this, he thought his 92 yr old dad and I were sleeping together (before he died 18 mths ago). Just ICK. I’m the only one who gets blamed for this, they never do. I agreed to move 2,000 miles away from my 2 grandsons just to make him happy and to make him think he’s getting better. Today started out with shipping something via Khols. He actually yelled at a Kohls worker. I was so embarrased. I didn’t hear exactly what my husband said but I know it was bad cuz the employee was almost red. Then we went to the post office. My husband hollered at the lady who went inside of the building ahead of us. Said “Yeah. I said U, bitch. WHy are u looking at me. Don’t u look at me.” The lady turned around quickly. I was so appalled. I quickly said to him not to ever do that again. Of course he said “U have no idea what she said to me.”. Yeah, she said nothing to u. I didn’t want to make it worse so I dropped it.
I feel like I can’t take him out in public anymore. I’m not sure what happens when he goes out by himself when he goes out in public. One of these day I expect either the police to call me or for him to call me from jail. He’s supposed to drive our RV pulling our car this coming weekend 2,000 miles to TX and do I believe he can do it? Yes, I believe he can do it. He’s a high functioning SZ. I will be driving a moving truck towing our other car. Gawd, I hope things go well. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what else to do. I think the move to Tx will be less stressful to him than living where we’re living where living now (WA State) and that’s got to be a little better, right?. I don’t know what else to do?
But I love him too much to give up on him and leave him. I keep thinking that “what if this is the time that it’s THE time time that he changes?” “What if he gets it and does something about it this time?” “WHat if he finally sees it?” Not sure what I’m waiting for. I wait and wait and wait. Not sure what I’m waiting for.