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In denial of having schizophernia


#41

Yes, every illness is different so no probably has the FOR SURE answer for any of us. I totally understand. And it is nice to know someone does understand what I am saying. My family keeps telling me what they would do which is LEAVE him because he is not doing anything for me. But they see it as if my husband is a normal guy who is just lazy and don’t like to work. I see it as well he could help a little more but he is sick. No one understands when I say well he did this…they will give me this strong person answer and I am like, he does not think logically or realistically so yes his actions are weird but you have to understand why?

Anyway, until you research SZ you really can’t understand the symptoms. So my family don’t understand like I do. I can see a symptom and know it is because of SZ. They just see he is acting --not himself.


#42

It does take a strong person to live with a sz family member. But it also takes a strong person not to bend to family pressure. I am sure they want you to be happy and not understanding the illness think you should just leave. It is your call though. I have a child with sz, but my husband has mental health issues too. Nowhere near as bad, but there are days the two of them combined make me want to leave—without a forwarding address. It does seem when I feel absolutely done one of them will thank me for being there for them. It reminds me somewhere inside them they know something is wrong and they appreciate me sticking it out.
That is not to say they can do whatever they want, act however they want without some reaction. Recently it was an involuntary admit for my son and he is still mad about that. But you know, love means more than just loving someone when they are loveable.
If your family can’t understand maybe though they can take you to a movie, out to eat or something just to give you a break.


#43

Maybe he has developed a phobia about driving. Does he drive elsewhere, other than picking your son up from school? Or, not picking him up😊


#44

My husband is paranoid SZ as well and we too have an 11 year old son. Everything you typed, I have been thru and am still going thru, including being accused of cheating. We have been living apart for 3 months because he was arrested for vandalism and kicked out of my mother in laws house. He has been in the hospital 4 times and refuses to have any insight into his illness. I am still at my mother in-laws taking care of my mother in-law along with my son. I am getting ready to move soon and am really wondering if I want him under my roof again. He will never be better (or some resemblance of better) until he helps himself. I have done everything in my power to help him and came to the realization that there is nothing more I can do for him at this point. But because he is disabled and now mentally ill, I am finding it hard to leave him as I know he won’t properly take care of himself. And like you, I don’t know how much more I can put my son and myself through with him. I have not had any type of marriage for 3 years now; we haven’t slept in the same room due to his lack of hygiene. He’s a very attentive father when he is doing good, but when he starts having issues, he ignores me and my son. He is just out in another world. We are living like room mates and it’s sad because it was never like this before. My husband has late on-set SZ which started when he was 45. Prior to that, he was totally normal. There is not much normalcy between hospital stays and it is hard to balance all of this and try and keep my job. My son adores his Dad which makes it even harder to try and move on without him. I feel for you and understand exactly what you are going thru. I hope things get better for you.


#45

Yep, my mom keeps saying she wouldn’t blame me if I “cheated” or “left”. She never raised me like that --that it is okay to cheat nor has she ever. She just knows I look stressed, maybe she thinks or feels I am unhappy. all in all, she thinks he not doing his part. And he is not. But she still don’t understand he is sick and can’t really take care of himself some days. Some weeks he won’t take a bath. If he does, he will put the same clothes back on. I will hand him clean ones and tell him he has worn the old ones too long.

Other weeks he is capable of taking care of himself. IT depends on his episode. He cooks and a darn good cook. He mops. Those two things he has down pat. Other things not so much.

My dad his a little more acceptable to the issue. He has talked to my husband telling him I need help with the family and he needs to seek help too. My husband has told my dad he has a chip in his head and has told him people are after his money because he is a prince. So my dad has seen the weird comments whereas my mother has not. HOwever, my dad did tell me my husband could get worse and if he ever gets violent and hurts myself or child that he would beat him down. lol.

Anyway, yes I do what I want. I don’t listen to them or hear them but I don’t base my decisions from them. I feel for my husband and what he is going through. Some days I tell myself I can’t leave because my husband his sick. But on those days my husband reminds me we are over with I do want to leave for sure. So that is the only reason I would leave. My husband and I do not act married or even “together”. He won’t let me touch him, kiss him, say I love you or anything. He said I cheated and I do this and that and we are over. So if he don’t get passed that part, I don’t know what I will do but I cant subject myself to this much longer. I want a husband to at least let me hug him. YOu know. I can deal with not touching all the time but I can’t at all touch him for a year now.


#46

Thanks Ginger. Yes it seems we have the identical situation. My husband does stop taking baths until i tell him he stinks. Other time she takes a bath daily.And, I am not sure how much I can take of this. I have been with my husband (dating included) for 10 yrs in Oct. He was not like this. I have been married 3 of those years. And only one of those years turned out good because the last 2 he has had SZ symptoms. And yes when he is in an episode I and my son are ignored too. He won’t talk to us hardly. My 6 yr old tried to hug him and he had a lymph arm around him with an attempt to hug. My son wants my husband to play…like he used to. He asks him every other night, daddy aggravate me. My husband declines. I try to explain to my son that daddy is sick, broke brain as someone told me they told their child. Anyway, we are in the exact situation except one thing, I can’t even get my husband to the mental hospital. My husband has not been violent not one bit. He won’t even bat an eye. So hospitals in my opinion won’t help. My husband says there is nothing wrong with him and I just want him to look crazy. So I tried to tell him he needs help. So now I am the enemy. I am the bad one cheating and stuff. I don’t know how else to get him help. Noone will commit him involuntarily because he hasn’t been violent are said anything about killing himself etc.


#47

From Aug 2016-March 2017 he did drive to the school and back dropping off and picking up my son. THis is my son’s first year, he is in K. Then for 2 days my husband said he is sick to his stomach and he was a bit the first day. On that 3rd day it was “I am just not taking him anymore”. I have tried to get him to understand he has to take him to school. I work and can’t keep taking off. Of course, he can’t comprehend or just don’t care.

To answer your question, no my husband does not go anywhere. He has not been inside a store in over a year. And the last time he was it was a small pet shop with fish he wanted to get. Otherwise, he sits home. He might ride with me 3 hr drive to see his family. But once we get there he again stays at the house with them. He goes nowhere and I have to get out to pay for the gas when we go to his family.


#48

I know it’s different in every state, even hospital to hospital, or day to day, but my son has been put on 4 involuntary holds in the past 8 months - and he has never been violent towards others or threatening to harm himself.

What he has been is gravely disabled, unable to protect himself from harm and incapable of providing consent for treatment.

I’ve been told that you should know your state’s laws, be able to quote it to the person doing the screening (so far, I haven’t had to do this), and if needed, take names, etc and tell them that if the person in questions meets harm or does harm you will hold them responsible.

3 of the holds were around 2 weeks, the last one was only 1 week.

This is our law in Virginia - I’ll try to bold the parts that have applied to him.

the person (i) has a mental illness and that there exists a substantial likelihood that, as a result of mental illness, the person will, in the near future, (a) cause serious physical harm to himself or others as evidenced by recent behavior causing, attempting, or threatening harm and other relevant information, if any, or (b)
suffer serious harm due to his lack of capacity to protect himself from harm or to provide for his basic human needs; (ii) is in need of hospitalization or treatment; and (iii) is unwilling to volunteer or incapable of volunteering for hospitalization or treatment.

The first 3 times, he asked to go to the hospital after he stayed awake for 5 or so days straight - then wanted to leave. He was presenting so out of it that they would think drug overdose at first.

The last time, he went 8 days without sleeping more than about 16 hours total and kept wandering into traffic - once in a busy parking lot, once just in our neighborhood, but the police were called twice. Both times, the police would ask me if they could help and were very nice to him, but they did not volunteer to transport or do the TDO even though they recognized that it was a mental health problem. I was OK with that - last think I want him to do is be afraid every time he sees an officer.


#49

My husband always thought that cars were following him, to the point that he would suddenly pull off the side of the road to let them pass. Not very safe!

He stayed in mostly, hated stores. But he did go out, I’d say once or twice a week, when he was feeling well. I worked full time; he didn’t work. O the joys of coming home from work after a long train commute to the city to find a sink full of dirty dishes and no dinner!

Girlfriend, it ain’t easy. I feel for you.

Stick up for yourself. Tell him he has to be on meds and stable, or he has to go! He won’t end up homeless. Talk to a social worker about it. Stay strong!


#50

But I think here you cannot involuntarily commit someone that is an adult. If it is a kid under 18 you can. After that the person has to sign and consent to commitment. Otherwise, he would have to pose harm to someone then they can commit him.

That is all I know. I will do research though.


#51

If he says there is nothing wrong with him and I am just trying to make him look crazy, do you think me saying go get help and stable…putting my foot down…will work?

I am asking because one of the many times he told me to leave, I said if I do you can’t pay bills and will loose the house. You will pretty much live homeless under a roof with no utilities. He said he don’t need me, he can do just fine?


#52

One thing that I did and you may want to try is to tell him to seek treatment for depression. It has less stigma attached, and he may go to see a doctor for that. This way you are expressing concern for him, not telling him he is crazy. Tell him you are worried about him, not going out, etc. you may be able to persuade him to at least start the process of getting him into medical system.


#53

I didn’t involuntarily commit him, and he’s 27.
He was evaluated at the hospital, they felt he met the criteria to be held, they called in a community service board member to do the official evaluation and write up the order, then a magistrate had to approve it.

He never posed harm to anyone. He never threatened to hurt himself. But, he was gravely disabled, unable to protect himself from harm, and lacked the mental capacity to voluntarily consent or refuse treatment.

All I’m saying is you need to know the letter of the law in your area & how to talk about it so that people will be less likely to just brush you off.


#54

You’d probably have to take the lead in finding a doctor, finding out what the insurance covers, and, of course, drive him to the appt. And you may have to ask him more than once.

With my husband, i was met w some initial resistance:“Of course I’m depressed, because x, y, z is happening to me.” To which I countered, even people w real reasons to be depressed, i.e. Grieving, can benefit from talk therapy and antidepressants," which is true. And he was persuaded to go.

This is if you want to stay with him. If you think the marriage is done, use your trump card of leaving, if only temporarily. I don’t know how you can physically kick him out without conflict, so I think it will have to be you to go. He knows he can’t pay rent, utilities, eventually he will realize that he needs you there, and then, maybe you can bargain w him to get help.


#55

If I did not know better I would think you are my daughter in law :slight_smile: limited household chores, lack of bathing and the delusions of grandeur and cheating obsessions. But then again many sz patients fixate on delusions they are special and that spouses are cheating… The poor hygiene is part of the cycle too.
Does your husbands family know what is going on? The better the family support the better for him and you and your child.
Even if your husband refuses to get help, get some for yourself especially if you are considering an involuntary admit. Because although they are necessary, they are emotional rollercoasters as we recently discovered.
Another post did mention learning how to phrase the help requested for an involuntary admit. It sometimes feels like we have to play a game to get help but it is best to know the rules and be prepared.


#56

Kathyw1981, that is a shame that you cannot have him committed. In my state, NJ, in my county in particular, they have a mobile psychiatric team that comes to your house to evaluate the person having the issues. I have been lucky enough where they have actually listened to me and took him to the crisis unit in the local hospital for further evaluation and from there an institution. I have had to do this with him at least 4, if not 5 times in the last couple of years. It takes a lot of convincing on my part for them to keep him, but I have been pretty lucky up until this last time. This last time they didn’t keep him at the hospital and they released him the next day and he was arrested a few days later for vandalism. If they would have listened to me and kept him, this never would have happened. but oh well, it is water under the bridge at this point. You are in a tough situation. If he has ever threatened you in any way, you can use that as a basis. I know it’s hard to make that call, but it is for his own good and you and your sons well being. My husband refuses to get help and has forced me to make that call every time and it takes a lot for me to do it. The scariest part for me is when help arrives and he acts so normal, like nothing is wrong. He is a master of disguise. You have to find a way to help him or give him an ultimatum; he either gets help or you and your son move out. I know it is easier said than done, but for your own sanity, you really need to be tough. Oh, and one more thing…when he finally does get medicated, all of that stuff about cheating and not wanting to be with you will all go away. If you end up being the reason he gets help, he will be angry with you but that will fade to once the meds kick in. It’s sad we have to go thru this, but it is what it is! Life is very unfair. Good Luck and stay strong and remember you always have a community to reach out to.


#57

Knowing the law is a good way to get organized, and i hope your comment will not go unnoticed


#58

But what if I am the enemy which means if I am saying anything out of my mouth “I am out to get him”. I will try but I believe I have mentioned depressed before. We had to swoop doctors too because I got a new job. He was supposed to go to the initial appointment to say “hello I am a patient” lol. But he missed it on purpose. He refused to see ANY doctor. But I can try what you said. It might be a while before we get an appt because he never initiated the patient, doctor appt. If you don’t do the initial appt they will give the an appt 3 months from now. Ha.

I will definately try though because I am at the point I have given all to GOD. I am not lifted a finger towards trying to help because there is no help for him without him trying to help himself. I was stressing and having chest pains between home life and work stress. So i gave it to God.


#59

I feel if I leave he is too strong headed (and delusional that he is okay) that he will not bargin with me to come back. But he might. That is what I would hope he does. But he always tells me he don’t need me even if i say…i pay this and that and you will not have anything.

Besides getting him to go to a normal doctor, I thought of telling him to see a counselor. A regular counselor (not psychiatrist). I saw one regarding him so I was going to mention how it is okay to see a counselor. I was going to name 3 people i know who has seen one in their life time and why they went. Trying to show him that counselors are for all types of reasons. Not for crazy people (as he says).


#60

EVERYONE but him knows. HIs family lives 3 hrs away so we don’t see them as much. HIs mom did say on the phone she is behind me 100% but that just means whatever i want to do. She don’t know what to do but if I was to get him committed she would not have hard feelings. She knows he needs help. She is not there so don’t understand the extent of help he needs but does know he is not the same person for sure.