In denial of having schizophernia

Family
61

I did see a place that come to the home but it was for teenagers only in my state that is. And if i do get him committed I believe our marriage will definately be over. He will hate me. Which in the long run that is okay. But for now, I don’t want to hurt my 6 yr old by doing it. But I am almost okay now since at least i made it through my sons age 4 and 5. The reason I am okay with it at age 6 is that my son is noticing a lot more. My husbands recent go around with this illness brought him to a depressed zombie who didn’t want to talk or anything. My son gave him a hug and said I love you daddy. My husband limply hugged him but did not say I love you back. That bothered me bad that it is affecting my son like that. I had to explain to my son that daddy is really sick. He is not well like we are. He was well, but now he has a broken brain like a broken arm. (i used that from one of you replying to my post and the idea couldn’t have came at a better time). I told my son daddy loves us but he is sick and don’t feel like talking etc. Then we left home. I try to keep me and my son out and about having fun. I don’t want my son to start being depressed or me either.

If i do get him committed, if I find a law that allows me to, the hospital don’t keep them long enough to help. So i feel he might get worse off because he will have nothing to do with me so I can’t take care of him like i am doing.

Also, I can’t afford to rent a house really and I am too strong headed to live with anyone. So my husband needs to go; not me. I have no time for games for him to figure out that he CANT afford the house utilities, land tax etc. This house is paid for.

62

Yes, I will start looking up the laws here. I know a lawyer or two that might can help with that too.

Thanks…im so exhausted that I don’t want to put any effort up. But when I read posts here, it gives me hope and my energy back to keep fighting.

63

Look, you mentioned above that his mother doesn’t realize how serious is his issue

Is there a way to explain it her? Tell her he is not in control of his well being! Tell her that you are at the end of your strength and you need some serious help to save her son.
If she is working, she needs to take time off and help you to intervene. This is very serious. Her son needs serious help.
You clearly are under a lot of stress.

64

I am glad to hear that your parents, and his, are aware of the situation. That should give you some confidence in whatever you decide to do.

When I was having similar problems w my ex, I started seeing a social worker/therapist. It was really helpful for me to talk with a professional. She helped me work through my stress and come up with options for getting my husband help. Ultimately, I got the help I needed to get him in the hospital and moved out of the house.

Be well!

65

True, she started a new job last year and couldnt take off but she should be able to now. She just might if I have a plan worked up.

Thanks, yes it is serious. I feel sorry for him but have to take care of my son and be strong for my son.

66

I do plan to see a counselor. I work at a college/hospital which offers 12 free visits. I have used one visit but my goal was “what to do with my husband:”. This time it will be just to talk. She had a bogus idea of what to do with my husband last time. She said have an appt set up. Ask my parents and his come to my house and TELL my husband he is getting in the car and going to a psychiatrist. The prob is, we all can’t ride in the. My husband would have us turn around and go back home and be really mad at me.

67

Help his mom to understand that for him, this might turn into life or death situation.
if he was bleeding to death, she would come running and would not worry about her job. But even though he is not harmed physically, his pain and suffering is no less. Psychosis is extremely painful even though they believe that they are not sick.

If i were you, I would find out what your legal options are in your area (regarding involuntarily hospitalization). Call non emergency police number, the court, call a few times until you get someone who has the answer.
Then I would tell his mother about these options (specifically with details) and ask for help to put him in the hospital.

Then i would recommend to leave it in her hands (either for a while or perhaps for good). You and your child need a break.

68

I love your last line…me and my child need a break. LOL. I agree.

This is very much my opinion, but I have heard hardly any success stories come from hospitalization. I think the patient don’t stay long enough and then they are in an in and out of hospitals kind of situation. That is just as stressful as the situation I am in now. I need a more permanent event to happen. I need him to AGREE to get help. I need some intervention to let him know he is sick and needs help and that I am willing to help him.

Do you think the way I treat him would help change that. Such as even though he don’t want much to do with me or especially don’t want me to hug or touch him, maybe I can do a quick hug (really fast) and tell him how blessed I am to have him there or how great he is doing that day. OR just be positive in every way until I can finally sit down with him and tell him he is depressed (not saying SZ) and a counselor can talk to him.

69

If you think he is not a danger to himself or others, the following may apply:
“suffer serious harm due to his lack of capacity to protect himself from harm or to provide for his basic human needs; (ii) is in need of hospitalization or treatment; and (iii) is unwilling to volunteer or incapable of volunteering for hospitalization or treatment.”

70

By your descriptions, he seems seriously sick. His state of mind seems to prevent him from understanding your kindness. He might be thinking you simply owe it to him and should be doing even more for him.

Anyway, Don’t expect some magic solution. One has to walk a very fine line between fighting the system and working with the system and making the system work for him. He will not get it, he will not snap out of it. You need to walk the walk. They will let him out too soon? Perhaps tell them that you are not taking him back, because you are scared for yourself and child and whatever. Let them deal with that.

But first talk to authorities and his mom.

Start him on his way for help and then see if you want to stay with him or leave him to his family

2 Likes
71

My little brother always was and is very kind. Always so gentle…

It happened so that i immigrated to canada with my family at the time when he wasn’t yet twenty. I had very little contact with him and didn’t know how sick he has become. Then he too immigrated to Canada and i let him live in my house. Suddenly, he was in the middle of full blown psychosis. I went to him to beg him to go to hospital. He snapped at me violently, but my husband was right behind me – that saved me.
I called the ambulance, they took him to hospital. I told them that he is not coming back to my house because i wasn’t about to put my teenage daughters at risk.
They had to keep him and find him a place.
The medication helped him and at some point he (my kind little brother!) was able to explain to me why he snapped at me: the poor guy thought he was back in our home country (Europe) and in his mind i was “them”, doing something bad to him.
When 911 got to my house and told him they are taking him to the hospital, he asked them if it was ok for him to cross this line and step into USA territory. He pointed at some invisible line on the floor at my house in Canada. Apparently, it was all mixed up in his head: Europe and USA and who knows what else.
That is what delusions really are. You try to approach him with help and kindness, but there is no way to know how he is seeing you.

1 Like
72

If you needed another example…
In the beginning of January 2017 my daughter has publicly screamed at me how much she hated me.
With the help of my other daughter i got a court order and hospitalization.
Already in February my beautiful and very bright daughter started actively working on rebuilding her relationship with me.

1 Like
73

Don’t overthink it. You need to separate yourself from crazy, to clear your thinking. Remember, you are the sane parent. Don’t doubt yourself.:purple_heart:

2 Likes
74

For years, I told myself this kind of thing because I was scared for my son to go into the hospital.

Scared it would make him worse, scared he would hate me, scared of if he would be OK there, scared if he would be less trusting when he came home.

He’s been in the hospital 4 times in the last 9 months. The first time, I about had a nervous breakdown myself.
But, he made it through, he didn’t hate me, and he’s not really scared of going back.

Each time, we get a little bit closer to better, but we’re not there yet. His problem is that even when he’s compliant, he seems to need larger & larger doses.

I look at it this way, if we don’t do something, nothing will change.

Even though things are not perfect now, and they may never be, he is a whole lot better than when he first went into the hospital.

Don’t avoid hospitalization out of fear, and don’t think you can love schizophrenia out of him. He needs professional help.

2 Likes
75

I agree with @slw. Hospitals are where the doctors are…

1 Like
76

But why does one have to KEEP going back over and over to the hospital? Why does the hospital not keep them for a specific time when they are better instead of letting them out so they will just have to revisit?

77

Probably because of insurance. I’m sure there is some incentive to keep hospital stays short.

That said, it’s still worth it for the patient to be hospitalized. They can stabilize him.

1 Like
78

When my son has went in, it’s always been on a TDO that allows them to keep him for up to 30 days.

But, he is always much, much better by the 2 week mark. Not well, but stable enough to no longer be a danger to himself.

This was our experience:
1st time - we all thought he just stopped taking his meds & getting them back on them would fix him up. He had been stable on Zyprexa for around 7 years. He was better in the hospital, but came home & refused to take the meds after about 2 days. However, I used alternative methods to get him to take the meds, and the truth was the Zyprexa had just stopped working for him.

2nd time - he finally got to the point he wasn’t sleeping again, and after about 5 days of no sleep at all, he asked to go see someone, anyone - so he ended up in our local crisis office & they decided he needed to be hospitalized about 5 minutes after he got there. This time, due to compliance issues, they started him on the Invega injection. About a week after they started this new med, he was like a totally different person. Very close to symptom free - so they let him come home.

3rd time - after your initiation doses, they try you on 117 mg/month as a maintenance dose. It wasn’t enough for him, so once again he stopped sleeping, and on the day he was supposed to get his third shot, he was asking to go to the hospital again - so off we went. They bumped him up to 156 mg & once again, he was good in about 2 weeks.

4th time - The 156 mg was still not enough to hold him near the end. This time, he got his shot & still ended up in the hospital about 4 days later. He had only slept 16 hours in 8 days - yes, I know exactly because I am hyper-vigalent about his sleeping. This time, they couldn’t up his dosage on the Invega shot until the next month, but they added Risperdal & a mood stabilizer that seemed to work miracles. This time, they only kept him 8 days, but he was doing well & ready to come home. This time, he came home willing to take the oral meds - that’s something he hasn’t been willing to do for almost a year.

Since them, they’ve changed his shot to 234 mg, took him off the Risperdal & tripled his mood stabilizer. Only time will tell if this is the right combo. He’s not sleeping as much as I would like, but he is sleeping some each day. He’s still delusional, but not very paranoid. I don’t think he’s hearing voices or seeing anything. We have good conversations that make sense - even if some revolve around his less bizarre delusions.

I flip out every time he slides backwards, even a tiny bit, but overall he’s much better than the first time he went into the hospital.

So, to borrow his phrasing, his recovery is a process and I have to expect that there will be bumps in the road. Maybe he’ll be back in there again. If he has to go, he has to go. I don’t want him to, but it won’t be the end of the world.

Also, I think you have to have a few short stays that don’t work before you can convince someone to keep them for an extended stay. I don’t think that’s a law or a hard & fast rule, but it seems to be how it works.

I also have some theories about why he gets better in the hospital, then doesn’t do as well at home. He always makes friends in the hospital - at home, he isolates. In the hospital, he can’t watch things on the TV or computer that fuel his delusions or give him racing thoughts like he can at home. They also have multiple group therapy sessions per day, the nurses and case managers are always trying to engage them in conversation, and he sees the doctor daily.

79

Yes, it seems like you have had a long road. But you are doing great! Did you say your son was 27 or a teen? I can’t remember. I just have to find a way to get him to get help. If it comes down to it, everyone says hospitalization, then that will be. I wish he would get help on his own…don’t we all right.

80

He’s 27, but he had his first break at 15, and I was sooooo ignorant 12 years ago. We took him to the ER & they were going to admit him, but didn’t have a bed - and they didn’t take the time to explain to me what was going on. So, I packed him up, brought him home, and got him well myself - it was early in his illness, so once I got him to sleep & eat again, he snapped back without treatment really quick. That lasted for 18 months & I really wish I had let him go that first time.

Maybe earlier medication would have made a big difference for him. Instead, he didn’t get on anti-psychotics until his third psychotic break. Because we were adamant about not hospitalizing him, he saw no one after the first one. Started seeing a psychiatrist on an outpatient basis after the 2nd one - but the doctor didn’t see it. Then, the doctor saw the third one.

So, I think I can say from experience that delaying treatment doesn’t do anyone any good. And, this past year, I’ve kind of decided I’d rather have a son who hates me than a son who never has a chance to get better. Keeping him out of the hospital was selfish on my part, although I was doing it with the best of intentions at the time.

About 12 to 18 months ago, something changed for him, and changed to the point that avoiding the hospital was no longer an option. However, I was not going to drag him kicking & screaming to the hospital. So, I waited for the right opportunity - and even now, I can honestly tell him I did not put him in the hospital. He asked to go, and once the hospital staff saw him, they felt he needed treatment and kept him. That also means that when he asks me to do something to help him come home earlier, I can say it’s not up to me - it’s up to the doctor. Although, I always tell him the minute they say he can come home, I’ll be there waiting to get him.

This is how it happened each time. I never had advance warning - I just had to seize the moment and be ready to drive him where he needed to go. Other people choose to have a crisis team come evaluate their family member at home, but I’ve avoided that so that home can remain his safe place.

First time - we had went earlier in the day for him to do an intake session for a new treatment team. They talked about what hospital would be his first choice & told him lots of people like one in our area because they let you go outside & smoke. later that night, he insisted on going there to smoke. So, we went. They evaluated him, had a bed & did the involuntary hold right there. I thought it would kill me.

Second time - again, he wanted to talk to someone right then. we went to crisis, they did the evaluation there, and the police transported him to the hospital.

Third time - he was asking to go to the hospital instead of the dr’s office.

Fourth time - he went sort of voluntarily - he had got the police called on him twice in two days for wandering in traffic.

Each time, they did an involuntary hold because he was not mentally competent to either consent to or refuse treatment at that time.

With him, once he’s awake about 5 days, there’s no hiding his psychosis. He has an urgency to talk about it and physically, he switches back & forth between not being able to stay still to being so out of it that you’d think he was overdosing on drugs.

EDIT: I’d like to add that my son still doesn’t have good insight. His delusions are still 100% true to him and he doesn’t think the meds do anything for him. However, I have told him that he has a better chance of getting disability and other kinds of help if he accepts treatment, and he does acknowledge that not sleeping can become a problem and that he has anxiety.

1 Like