Oh, @Margi , I am totally there with you, I understand the mixed up emotions that must be hitting you. It is an awful whirlwind of terrible thoughts mixed with what-ifs when your loved one is in the hospital. Especially with no insight. I strongly recommend that you don’t give in to any feelings of guilt. You are not to blame, you are not to feel guilty, you are helping to break a psychosis that will otherwise consume you and your son fully in the future if it continues unchecked. When that day comes that the anger and psychosis are gone and the good, lovable, kind son is back in control of his delusions/hallucinations, you will be soooooooo relieved and so happy that you didn’t give in to self-doubt.
You MUST trust the doctors, trust the court system, trust the hospitals, really they want to help you and help your son. If he goes away for a few months to gain back his own mind and soul, it is well worth it. Try to imagine life a few months from now, with psychosis, delusions, voices, anger, etc, gone… it will happen if you persist on this path. His own insight may never happen, but his path to wellness can and is happening right now. Be proud of yourself for helping him.