Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

It is getting over

It is ending
My highschool sweetheart my best friend for 16 years. He is no longer the same person I loved…he looks like him and sounds like him but he disappeared in all this hate and paranoia…
I look at my kids I suffocate as they will have to be apart from their father whom they are crazy about
But as they grow they will come to see the real deal…the not so nice image. The person who would always insult their mom abuse her and sometimes hit her.
The person who drags a 4 year old in our arguments…and who is violent with their nanny ifront of them… even if she provoked him.
It is only getting worse
In the midst of him only seeing and believing in part of what is happening…he views me as a devil. An awful person.
I’m not saying I’m an angel…but I have put up with a lot since the diagnosis…if been there for the thick and the thin…but I have no more tolerance for the abusive acts of a man who is becoming more of a stranger…
I miss my loving friend…and I feel sorry for myself and my kids.
No one can feel my pain…even his family they know but won’t admit bcoz their scared of his outbursts…they are always blaming me for not being calm or for reacting…
They think I should be the one who is always reaching out for reconciliation even if I was beaten up.
But I’m a person…I have ego (or used to have) I have feelings and I’m dying inside out
I pray for God to save me and my kids from any pain or heartache.
God knows I will always want the best for him…
And I will forever be in love with my highschool sweetheart… but not this man
I have no one to talk to or anyone to support me…
I can’t talk to my parents they are in another content and it will break their heart
Plz pray for me

Hello @Salma_Hassan,
So sorry you are feeling alone, it sounds like you married into a family that is very traditional.
I would suggest getting some advice from a professional therapist.
Sometimes family make excuses for a family member like your husband and accept his bad behavior.
Look online in your area and see if there are support groups that you may be able to attend.
Be careful, AnnieNorCal

I am praying for you.

I am sorry for what you are going through. This disease changes people so much. My son used to be loving and kind. He is now very hateful and nasty to us when we hear from him. I will pray for you. Take care of yourself and your children.