Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

It never really ends does it


#1

Had his depot yesterday, first time actually going to clinic for it, his decision as didn’t want nurse to come here after she has been though for 9 months.

Today again, it’s all fake, wants them to leave him alone, should’ve changed his family doctor when he was young as he had all this planned for him, same old same old.

Review Monday and you know what I feel we have no energy in us to try to uphold the compulsory treatment anymore. Feel like saying ok, come off it and go backwards but he’s out of this home if it affects us the way it did for the few years before he was hospitalised. Sorry for ranting.


#2

Yes, I know the feeling. My son is reasonably stable, but will sometimes express resentment about me ‘making him’ take his meds, since ‘if I were in NY [where his perfect dad lives] they would not think I need it’, lol.

I’m ALWAYS waiting for the day it all falls apart. I hate feeling this way, but can’t seem to shake it.


#3

Along the same lines, everyone likes to say this is a marathon & not a sprint.

But, when he’s doing well or is slightly ill, I can’t help but feel like we’re living on borrowed time that’s quickly running out.

And, when he’s really sick, it’s like time stops & it’ll never end.

I accepted his illness a long time ago, and that he may not be able to do all the things I’d like him to be able to do, but I’m not sure when I’ll accept that things will never really even out. My brain knows it, but my heart’s just not buying it quite yet.


#4

I agree with everyone, this has been a battle today I was told that it was either my husband leave or my husband make my son go to a boys home and I am sorry but I have been through to much and to many ups and downs with my husband that really I will take my son any day. I would never let my husband send our child away he is only 7 years old. Not to mention my son has seen just as many episodes as me and I am just tired of the ups and downs. One day he loves us the next it is like he hates us. Where is my refuge!


#5

I don’t blame you - I wouldn’t send my child away either, especially at such a young age & knowing that their behavior is due to a medical issue.


#6

Don’t apologize to us for ranting! Sometimes we need it just to get through the merry-go-round of sz! We too are battling the it is all fake ideation right now. And because none of us can be trusted (read agree with him) he will not sign HIPAA release. So communication with his providers is nil.


#7

No, We understand exactly.


#8

I honestly don’t think it should be up to the parents to get an adult child to take medicine. One, there is no legal authority over adults; even guardianship does not allow parents to force medication (in the US state where I live). Two, the dynamic is incredibly hard on the relationship.

Yes, your son can live his own life his own way (we all read this forum and know how much can go badly and go well). You will always hope for the very best for the child you love beyond love. The best, in this case, means that the system steps in and makes sure your son in med-compliant and has all other needed treatments and supports.

Only the courts and doctors and other professionals can help our family members in the long term.

Sending prayers to everyone.


#9

You are right , thing is our son was awful to live with before meds, we “had” to make him move out. He moved into a flat, (apartment) told no one where it was, even used a false name on bills , but did ironically pay them all and keep everything up,to,date, he would come knocking on our door ask to come in but not leave willingly again, we would beg him to let us help him get help, but nope he wouldn’t. Thus went on a few months then he began to be scared and would stay put over might, he thought police were after him etc.

I have no idea how we coped as we did and I fear if he has the choice which soon he will I guess and if he comes off meds, we will all suffer. I got to a stage that I thought the “hell” would only be over when I died , I am on small dose of sertraline and it’s helped also the meds have allowed him a certain calmness and connection to us in order for him to be home with us. He is adamant he can’t live alone and won’t as he has nowhere to go he says, I want him here but can’t cope if it goes back to,what it was.


#10

Correct. I am fully aware that I can’t force my son to take meds. But I do have some baseline expectations for him if I am going to continue to provide the support he has now, that he struggles to meet without meds. Having guardianship, if he were to stop taking his meds and make current arrangements impossible or dangerous, I would have the authority to make decisions about where he lives. That is the only way guardianship helps me I think - he feels somewhat coerced to continue to take meds so that I won’t move him to a restricted setting. (In reality, of course, if he decided to disappear, I would have no control over that, but I think he won’t do that, because the fact is, he likes a roof over his head and food to eat, and it is unlikely he would be able to provide for himself.)


#11

I had to call 911 this week to get my son to the hospital. I specifically asked for an ambulance. He wouldn’t go with me didn’t want to see the doctor and was just getting worse every day. Finally he kicked our door In (it wasn’t even locked-and pulled a knife) and no one was hurt but we knew it was time.

He fled when he saw the police and went into the woods and they waited for about an hour. When the Sargent showed up he made the decision to have part of them leave and one patrol car circle around and come back. He said that I should go file an MIW and follow another officer.

The DA office were staying over an extra half hour and waiting on us. When we got there there was mention of a felony and the secretary said you cannot serve a felony they won’t accept him at the hospital we had this happen this past week. She said get him Well first then do what you have to do she wasn’t talking to me she was talking to the police officer who had already called in. They said he was already picked to and I That I didn’t need to file anything. Theirs was enough. I did speak up and say “I’m trying to get help for my son not ruin his record.” No response.

I remember someone else saying called to 911 for an ambulance had resulted in charges being filed but I can’t remember who it was. If you see this cautioning us once that you have to watch how the police are involved. If you happen to see this and know who it was or was that person, please let me help know how it went. My husband says not to borrow trouble but the thought of him having a felony and losing his SSI and medical is making me sick. He has not been served any papers yet. Any advice would be appreciated. Should I get an attorney now and try to quelch it before charges are filed or is it too late for that. Good grief were damned if we do and damned if we don’t.


#12

You could go talk to the district attorney yourself.

I doubt the police would charge him if the DA said he wouldn’t pursue the matter. Or, maybe the DA would use the threat of jail to get some court-ordered treatment for your son in exchange for dropping the charges. Kind of like probation.

Wouldn’t it be great to know your son had to stay in treatment for 6 months or a year - or even more?


#13

You were right to call the police; this was your only chance to keep your son and yourselves safe.

Just try to take it day by day or hour by hour.

You are going through something very, very stressful that can take months. Charges are fluid; prosecutors come out of the gate with worse charges so the person will plead guilty to get lesser charges.

Ask if/when your son can go to the hospital.

Is there Mental Health Court where you live? Find out and ask to get your son evaluated for that program.

If they send him to the hospital, that’s the best result. Supervised probation with court-ordered medication is a really good outcome, as @slw mentioned.

Whomever asks, do not press charges against your son. The state can if they want to. Repeat the message again and again, Our son has schizophrenia (or whatever his diagnosis is). His actions were caused by symptoms of untreated (or ineffectively treated) mental illness. We want our son to receive medical treatment for his illness.


#14

I am sooo sorry yet another family has to go through this to try to get help for a family member who is KNOWN to have mental illness. One wonders if the powers that be have ever drawn a correlation between the changes in mental health law in the 70s and the increase in prison population. I am not saying mental illness is an excuse for antisocial behavior, but wouldn’t it be better to give some more help to families who know their loved one needs treatment when we ask than to let matters escalate? You are so right, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

We did not call 911 when we called the police, but rather called dispatch and reported him as a danger to himself. The police then made the decision to transport him to a hospital. Not that it all worked out well, but no charges were filed.

I agree with SLW you should talk with the DAs office. Hope everything turns out well for you.


#15

@Bluesha17. You are right to not send your 7 year old son away. He’s too young to be separated from his family. Has your son been diagnosed and is he taking meds at such a young age?


#16

I posted about calling for assistance, making it clear my son has a mental illness, requesting CIT officers. I got regular officers, and because I had said he had hit me, and there was a visible mark, the officers said they were required to handle the incident as domestic violence. I was furious, and begged for them to take my son to the hospital, but they were not going to change their minds. He was taken to the city jail.

I spoke with ‘someone’ the next morning - I forget her title, and told her the situation. Then I went to the hearing. The judge seemed kind of disgusted with how things had been handled, and released him to me so I could take him to the hospital.

The charge was not dropped, but was moved to mental health court.


#17

Thank goodness there’s a mental health court where you are. So sorry about the regular officers showing up, we’ve experienced the call for CIT and regular officers showing up - my husband says we won’t do it again and he’s the one afraid of our son.

How is your son doing today?


#18

I belong to a support group here. It’s new to me, but it’s been around for about 10 years.

Some of the original members had terrible tragedies in their family due to mental illness including a family member who was killed by responding police officers.

They’ve made it a mission to have our entire police department trained - and it’s a big department.

One of the officers who responded to our home when a neighbor made a call told me he had just gotten back from a week of training and they couldn’t have been nicer to either me or my son. It turned out really well. Of course, he had just trespassed & wasn’t violent with anyone or appearing to be ready to be violent. I’m sure it still could have turned out very different.

Anyway, my point was maybe we all need to pressure our local authorities for more training for everyone in a position where they can come into contact with people with mental illness.

There’s actually a free class here that anyone can take that’s a cool idea:
http://www.chesterfield.gov/MHSS.aspx?id=8590045214


#19

My husband and I called the police once we knew my son met the “threshold” of being a danger to himself or others but what we didn’t know was our state (WI) requires that criminal charges are filed in addition to the mental health case being created. We had to hire a lawyer to help get the criminal charges dropped once my son was put on a Chapter 51 MH commitment. He’s now in a group home on court ordered meds for 6 months and is improving thank goodness.


#20

One thing to keep in mind as well when you call 911 is to tell the dispatcher that you’re calling with a mental health crisis (was advised in a NAMI booklet I had printed) - which resulted in a CIT trained police officer to be sent to our house. He was the same officer that was sent to our house when we called the police 6 months earlier but my son didn’t meet the “threshold” of being a threat to himself or others at that time and I nor the police were able to convince my son to go to the hospital voluntarily.