My husband came back

Family
1

Hello again,

It was about three months ago when I made my first post that my husband had left me. He was in a manic episode and woke up one day and decided he was going back to Los Angeles, I checked in two months in where he had reached out to me on Christmas Day and then block me again with no contact earlier this week. He happened to message me and said he was coming home, I didn’t know what to think but of course excepted him home because I knew that with me he can get the proper care that he needed, he had been in the hospital for about a week when they let him go without medication just a shot of Invega Sustenna, he arrived Wednesday, not without drama, his family upset him because he was trying to take so many bags of junk, and he fought with him before he left, contacted me at the airport and wanted to FaceTime me so I FaceTime him and he was smoking from a marijuana pen. I got upset because he’s not supposed to be smoking especially with his medication, and the phone cut off. I didn’t hear from him his whole flight, which had a connecting flight in Las Vegas, neither did his family, and we were so scared, I went to the airport anyway after I called his airline to make sure he boarded, and I couldn’t find him for a whole hour, I was starting to get really upset because I thought that he was either lost or upset with me and left again. I was already in tears when I got off my car to go search the airport for him turns out that he lost his phone and watch in Las Vegas, first day home was amazing. We reconnected and he seemed OK, however, next day, I noticed that he definitely was not OK. They didn’t send him with medication from the hospital he was at, just a shot, and it did nothing, the next three days were spent with him giving plasma for money. The first time he got $100 and asked me to stop at a 7-Eleven so he can get a drink and he proceeded to spend all $100 on sunglasses The next day he found pawnshops and the next two days were spent packing up his things and selling them. He is a gamer so he has many valuable games and gaming systems every single time he would sell something and get a lump amount, he would turn around and buy something back from the pawnshop. He was hyper fixated on this camera. He bought and sold more of his things to get accessories for it throughout this whole time he was agitated with me, and I felt like I was more of a hostage than a wife, driving her husband anywhere, I took him to 4 treatment centers where he refused help each time, I spent more of those days, crying and him barking orders at me then anything, finally yesterday I had to tell a small lied to him and told him I found a place that does medication management, which is what he was fixated on getting, obviously when they saw his state they kept him so that’s where he is now, he’s been calling me nonstop today, telling me he’s being discharged, which he is not, he’s getting agitated with me because I’m not there to pick him up and he’s being mean and abusive and he still has a very fast speech pattern, he’s definitely not ready to come home yet and this is something he does when he’s in a treatment center he will call and say he’s ready to come home or they discharged him or he’s getting out in an hour when there’s no plan for him to be discharged, hoping he’s not too angry at me once he evens out, but who knows. I’m praying for peace in this situation. I’m glad he’s home, but I am also scared because he has never acted this aggressive with me before…

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Please make a safety plan. He isn’t himself when he’s not on medication but if he is truly resistant, you need to think of ways to keep yourself safe. (Do you have door alarms? A panic button? A phone that you are sure he won’t take from you? Neighbors that are aware of his mental illness?) If you hit the panic button will your neighbors know they need to call the cops? If so, how are you going to debrief them on the situation, what should they say? Should they call a crisis team for mental health resources? Can you ensure your safety if you need to get out and the crisis team deems it NOT necessary to take him? He always has a right to refuse care but whether or not you feel safe, the cops and the mental health team can ONLY intervene if your willing to report abuse other feelings ect (making sure to be explicit on bad behaviors but most importantly THREATS TO YOUR SAFETY).

I know you love your husband but at some points he is his disease and that may mean he is unsafe. PLEASE back up whatever concerns you have in writing and in video (if it’s safe/legal in your state to do so, video especially is VERY finicky as to who what and where the consent lines fall.)Sharing any of this information with his doctors because of HIPPA is impossible. Sharing this information in a courtroom only moderately so, so long as you have checked whether your state is dual party or single party consent. I know you love him but he’s in no state to love you if he cannot actively control his own behavior. It’s best to keep yourself safe, especially because we know we cannot heal our family members. Only help them if they become more compliant.

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