Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My schizophrenic 24 year old has been monitoring my computer


#1

I am very angry and feel like such a stupid fool right now. I just realized he has been monitoring my computer and for years! We have been through hell the past few months going through his relapse. You can only imagine as a mother what I have been through since the diagnosis, my heart has been permanently broken. I have wondered why I am the one he won’t speak to, it has always been about me. Her father is not computer literate, lucky for him. I would get confused when I would here him laughing and talking with his father when he thought I was not around. It would blow me away how much he was enjoying himself. I was believing he actually could not speak around me , that I must have done something very wrong and let it hurt me time and time again, I did not understand. I am sure there are other things. When on the computer I may talk on forums about myself and my health, about our family, my feelings, using any and all sites I choose to just hoping for some information on what I could do along with scrolling the internet for my curiosity and pleasure. My privacy! My deepest thoughts and fears! Mostly I have felt like he was a tortured angel. He is not perfect like any of us - don’t get me wrong. I feel numb and hope this post makes sense. What else could he be monitoring that I can’t think of? He took medication out of my drawer in the last couple of months, anxiety medication. When I tried to refill it, I was told I still had over 2 weeks before it could be refilled. I directly asked him about it and he did admit it. I felt sorry for him and took the blame. My doctor now monitors me closely for being an addict. So many things, I could go on. Do I need locks now? I have been a blind fool and have been taken for a long ride - such a sucker.