Need someone to talk to people who live with someone with mental illness and always say hateful comments

Hi, I am struggling with my husband, we have been married for 21 years and we were inseparable he literally idolised the ground I walked on until 8 months ago he get ill from heavy marijuana use. I didn’t see the signs at first I just thought he was being silly, saying he was seeing doors opening and hearing people calling him, then it was me being accused af poisoning him saying I’m a horrible person and make nothing but problems, he then posted a picture of a woman we know slightly from her holidays to where we live, we didn’t know her well but we kind of knew her. Well he posted a picture of her on his instagram and of course I was extremely hurt by this bare in mind 3 days before this he came into my bed kissed me on my head said I love you babe I never want to lose you! So you can imagine how posting this woman made me feel, he had he on and off nasty to me for the last 6 weeks before this and I couldn’t understand why as I wasn’t doing anything wrong in fact it came to the point I was afraid to say anything at all incase he would be horrible to me… we were going away on holiday a week later but I had to go alone with our children because of what happened it wasn’t just the picture of the woman it was listening to religious videos even though he wasn’t religious and then looking at me with evil hate while I’m cooking dinner! Then starting to dance to music in a really strange way falling into his knees and holding his hands up to the heavens. This was very much out of character for him! He told me he hated me and he loved this dead woman etc… I was heart broken went away stayed at my mothers for 2 months back and forth the dr with extreme anxiety and stress I couldn’t stop shaking because I was so upset that I lost my husband who was so loving before this. He told everyone he was lucifer he was the chosen one and I was trying to poison him, he said I cheated on him and that I was so horrible you would shoot yourself in the head if you had to live with me. I am back now I thought things were better but if I say anything like cry and ask what I had done for any of these things to happen because I was hurt he gets angry and says I just love arguing I would say I’m not arguing I’m upset I just want to understand. Later I said are you not talking to me his response was wtf would I speak to you I’m thinking of ways to kill myself cause that’s the only way I can get rid of you! This broke my heart I cried and cried and didn’t know what to do I said I’m sorry that I make you feel that way but he just ignored me and told me to sit down repeatedly when I was going to leave… so I sat down because I felt intimidated to! He just sat and didn’t show any care that I was upset. He says so many hurtful things to me that they keep running through my head and I can’t understand how this person who loved me so much now hates me and feels this way about me! I try to tell myself it’s not real but it feels too real and I believe him because he seems so genuine like he means it so of course I cry because I miss my husband! He won’t touch me intimately, I asked why won’t he touch me he said I don’t want to I don’t feel like it it makes me feel sick!! Again more hurtful things for my brain to keep running over… I’m so sorry for anyone who has to go through this. I know how I feel and it’s horrible I feel so lost even in my own home that I don’t know what to do with myself! I keep walking up and down the stairs taking my shoes on and off going outside coming back in I just get so lost that I don’t know what I’m doing.

He sounds narcissistic…which is also has varying degrees and some.are.socio.paths some psychopaths…so if he wasnnormal before…he turned it possibly…marijuana can bring on psychosis and schizophrenia…so if that is what he is he is out of reality…and tou could be in danger too…you will have to tip toe like abused woman. And not angernhim…but you will have to be strong and know something is really wrong with him…he will need help and unless he goes , you should prepare to leada double life where tou seek help.outside…if you can get control of finances…scary to say he is lucifer or working for…lots of devil ideology in schizophrenia, and or maybe it is a devil take over…very hard to live with…even when a son…so very hard as husband and wife…hide all knives, belts, scissors, guns, wire coat hangers for yours and his safety…thats what they do in mental hospitals and when suicidal or homicidal… you may need to stay at your parents or friends a lot for support and get a support group right away so counselorcan advise you…this is scary and doesnt go away …like just an affair can…usually after years and takes the healthiest of people.a lot of work to work thru…

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Yes I agree with the narcissist part, I have noticed myself how much he comes off like that which he was never like before… if I’m being honest I absolutely love my husband so much I thought I was gonna die broken hearted when I thought I would never get him back, we are together now but it’s not the same anymore, he has changed so much and not in a good way. He’s very selfish and can be very hateful, he is also pretty distant and the more he continues like this the more I don’t want to continue my relationship because it’s pointless… I feel like I’m being used and the love that was obviously there before isn’t there no more not from his end anyway… I have listened to some really horrible hateful things from him. And also the lies, I never met anyone in all my life to lie like he was and still does now but not as much as when he was really bad, I don’t know what to do I’m just in hope things will get better , I mean they have gotten a lot better than 8 months ago and I mean a lot but he’s still not the man I fell in love with, I holding on to hope that I get that man back but I’m also heartbroken in the thought that I may not also. I can’t continue like this though it’s just not fair. I feel so lonely and unloved, I feel like everything that comes from him is all fake. He sometimes says love you but I don’t believe him because who says such horrible things to someone they love?