I’ve been in a relationship with the love of my life for a little over a year now. We are perfect together. Everyone else says it as well. I believe he is the one for me. We live together with his mom. I moved in about 7 months ago. I have C-PTSD that I am in therapy for. My partner was in a toxic long-term relationship before me that shattered him. It involved many moments of cheating on him, which is what ended them. My partner and I are both in recovery from substance abuse. He has almost two decades of sobriety, but the drugs left a mark on his brain with paranoia. The last two days were horrendous. He is convinced I cheated on him, which is untrue. I made the mistake of arguing it with facts. Both of our mental health symptoms were impacted by it. We triggered each other so horrifically. I will spare the details. I came home yesterday and we embraced me and spent the day loving me. But we are both wounded. We are making the determination to keep fighting for us. He’s worried everything is ruined. That it’s going to be just like his last one was. I’m seeking advice on what to better do in those moments. He is trying. God, is he trying. I’m trying too. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone who sometimes accuses me of things I would never do. It impacts my C-PTSD. I know he doesn’t mean to. I don’t mean to spiral either. How can I better support him in those situations, how can I support myself, and what should I not do in those moments? It comes from fear and isn’t based on anything factual. Pointing out facts makes him worse. He isn’t violent at all. The silence, and in this case aggressive verbal tone, just caught me so off guard. Please give me advice. I know it isn’t his fault and I want to do the best I can. He is on medication and has been for years. He’s a good soul and this rarely comes up, it just has been lately. I think there’s subconscious fear of how serious we are, and his relationship prior started going bad after a year.
Welp! My husband is doing the SAME THING recently, and it’s the same with him, if I try lay out reasoning and logic that doesn’t help. If I get emotional that doesn’t help either. I usually just let him vent and accuse and stay quiet snd then he EVENTUALLY moves on. Because I refuse to play into or validate something about me that is entirely wrong and not truthful. And me fighting him about it doesn’t bring an end to the delusion, it just keeps us moving in circles- around and around. I’ve also gotten to a breaking point with it and yelled at him and I was done being patient and kind about it; after hour 20 something of him not sleeping due to insomnia with him keeping me awake too. I was mean! And I hate that I reacted that way. I honestly don’t know that there is a cookie cutter answer. It’s a trial and error sort of thing for what works for your loved one. Keep trying and give yourself grace! I KNOW it’s hard to deal with.
Thank you for this response. I was at my breaking point and I’m not happy with how I responded. Some of it is out of my control right now, but I’m in therapy to resolve my trauma reactions. It’s been three days of us both being upset, hurt, and depleted. I had to call off work today to physically recover energy. I guess we have to eventually create a game plan for next time so we aren’t both so frazzled.