My son is about to get a house that has been purchased by my sister. Things are looking up for him.
Every week-i drop off $40 to him-which I also did yesterday.
Tonight, he called and asked where his money was.
I asked him if he remembered me sitting there talking to him and handing the money over to him.
He cussed me out and called me a few names.
He has been off his meds for a long time, but for him to say that he recorded our conversation and to deny that I left that money was too much!
I hung up on him.
The last few weeks he has been running out of money before the week is up-he didn`t used to.
Is this drugs doing the talking?
Maybe. When I was on drugs I lied to everybody, about a lot of stuff. When I wanted drugs, the truth fell by the wayside, whether it was my family, my friends, my boss, or strangers. I had to have my drugs. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s told you drug related lies. But you can give him the benefit of the doubt if you want to and maybe he is spending the money on something else. But yeah, drugs and lying go hand in hand.
I’m sorry he cussed you out, you deserve more respect than that. Good luck bridgecomet.
really cant answer.is he red flagging by things he says does -how long off his meds is a long time.does he have a history of drug abuse.not being nosy just things to think about
wow, you are a good mother…
here is a heart
and a trophy
More like is this the drug asking for more money? (I have been a CADC since 1987. I’ve also been clean and sober in NA since '83 and AA since '84.) Because once the drug owns the brain, that’s all the body is concerned with anymore.
s been off meds for over 6 months now, and yes-he has a strong history of drug abuse. Cant force him to do anything.
It seems to me that if he REALLY thought I didn`t give him his money, he would have called yesterday!
**What is a CADC?
It took a long time to get him stable when he was a little younger. It was so hard to tell between the illness and the SZ.
However, he has become increasingly agressive over the past 5 or 6 years. He just saw a doctor about his hip replacement a few weeks ago-also volunteered to get his meds at the ER. I have a sneeking suspicion that he only did that to get pain killers! I think he is out now.
Certified Alcohol & Drug (Abuse) Counselor. Since then, however, I have gotten a lot more education in addiction dynamics.
So do I. I’m thinking, “Maybe she should look into getting a conservatorship.” Attorneys who specialize in it are as close as your phone book. Or computer screen.
He already has a payee. Since he gets SSI/SSDI, that is mandated by them.
My sister is buying a cheap house for him so that we don`t have to worry about him getting kicked out ever again.
Jail-hospital stays-he will always have a place to stay.
We supplement his food since he only gets $110 per month for food. His phone is paid for.
He will be living where there is all kinds of programs for mental illness and drug abuse ( the hope is he will utilize these ).
Are we enabling? We agreed to keep a roof and food for him-no matter what. While he is acting like this, he will have no communication from either of us.
Sounds like we are doing the wrong thing–but He will end up in trouble at some point-then he will be on his own.
I can take whatever feedback you guys have…
Did I shoot this to you before? (I think it’s worth a read by pretty much everyone in a culture where the Karpman Drama Triangle is considered “normal.”) (Didn’t want you to feel either accused or left out.)
Wow-right in the solar plexus…
My sis thinks I
m the one that has the problem and we should continue on with what were doing and let my son deal with his lifelong issues.
I feel terrible…
I wouldn’t feel that bad. Most of us have one form of co-dependence or another. It’s pandemic in our PC culture. All I really have to do to handle my own is observe to notice to recognize to acknowledge to accept to own it. I don’t know how much of it that has “eradicated,” but at least I can do something about it when I notice and own it. (And I have to deal with a lot of “sick” people, so I need the tools really badly.)
just make sure that your sister stays in legal control of the house. and that means eventully charging him a token amount of rent.
My parents have helped my older brother out his entire life-they never really got to do much because there wasn’t much money left over each month.
He is Dx’d MI/Substance abuse/alcoholic/physically abusive/ADHD and probably more…
He is 53 years old, still married (25 years) and has a 19 year old son.
What gets me is, all that time money and effort wasted on him, because he has never learned from all that was given him and to this day tries to bully our mother into giving him another loan (hasn’t paid back the 50K+ he borrowed prior, or 6K he owes me).
@bridgecomet, I can’t say that I blame you (or my parents) for helping him…it’s just that it seems to becomes an entitlement to them and they never seem to appreciate what’s been done.
It’s your business only if you want to help him, I think your a very kind and a good mom to him.
No one else should ever try to guilt or shame you into not doing what you feel is the right thing , because after all, he is your son, and as long as you realize he will probably never change, and your ok with that, all is good enough.
Too bad your son doesn’t realize just how good he has it with his family, he is a very lucky guy.
Don’tcha just love “emotional blackmail?”
How does one go about no longer being a Rescuer with a child who has schizophrenia? I don’t feel like this type of triangle exists with my teenaged daughter who has no illness, She is independent and healthy. There is no Persecutor, no Victim, and no Rescuer. I don’t like always playing that role as Rescuer to my son, but if I don’t, I’m afraid someone will hurt him badly.
It’s not about giving it up altogether. It’s about increasing awareness so that it doesn’t become toxic for either you (driving you to Persecute or become his Victim) or him to be Victimized and – as result – go self- or other-Persecuting. Are you following me?
Sarcasm goes well with your dress…?
Not sure I understand… and don’t want to reply until I do. (That crack of mine was not intended to be derogatory towards you.)