Just having a rough time with my mums illness at the minute but can’t really understand why. My mums not as bad as she has been, she’s doing as well as she can, I’ve not had any abusive phone calls for a while so in that way things are ok. I just feel like I’m constantly fighting with doctors trying to get information, getting advice that is given by people who love me and want the best for my mum but I just don’t want at the minute as they aren’t listening to me and trying to make sure my 7 year old is affected as little as possible by it all. It just seems like a huge struggle at the minute. I know it’ll get better again but it’s just a lot right now. It feels like such a daft time to moan, maybe it’s because when things are really bad you have no choice but to get on with it. I miss my mum, I miss having a conversation with her, talking about women’s hour and the archers. Our conversations now centre around my son but not in a good way, have i murdered him, has he been abducted, why am I not looking after him properly. I know it’s not a personal thing but having your mum say this to you hurts right to the core. I’m sorry for my rant. I hope everyone is having as good a day as you can be.
I’m sorry. Having to adjust to a new normal seems so unfair - it can be hard to remember that we seem to be in a constant state of grieving for the person who used to be. People try to help but until you’ve walked a day in our shoes, it is impossible to understand. I’m sure people who care for loved ones with Alzheimer’s/ dementia feel the same way. But we have each other to talk to and strange as it sounds, there is something comforting about knowing that there are others who share your pain - makes it a little more tolerable.
I’m glad you posted this and are able to process such hurtful communication.
Sounds like your mom is a good one when she is not symptomatic. I hope she gets some relief from her symptoms and can be with you again in the way you wish for.
Thank you so much for your replies. It’s been a long time, at least 2 years but feels longer, since we could talk properly. Today I really missed her. About 5 years ago we finally got to have a good relationship and it feels like I’ve been robbed of that all over again. I’ve got to stop fighting this new normal, I’ve been through the denial and the anger and thought I’d reached acceptance but some days it feels really fresh all over again. This place has been brilliant, it’s good to have somewhere where people understand. Tomorrow will be better xx
Me too. I think we never really stop grieving the person we lost. Some days out of the blue the sorrow and pain just resurfaces. By faith I hold onto the thought that this will end some day, but some days wear you down in spite of it all.
Sounds tough and I send my encouragement for better days are ahead.
Does your mom live with you ?
I think when kids are involved keeping them apart is better for children having grown up with 2 schizo brothers. My other normal sibs always resented mom for having their childhood dwarfed by their illness. Now I understand better her dilemma as I have one affected adult son. Look out for your child as this is this their childhood. Ours is over.
Hello Terry, thank you for taking the time to send a message. No my mum doesn’t live with us, we don’t even live in the same country. We’re in England and my mum lives in Ireland and my son has still been hugely affected by her illness. I have had to cut all contact to the bare minimum which I used to feel guilty about but I’ve seen the difference in my son and it’s absolutely the best thing for him.