Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Scared and in mental anguish

I have been dealing with schizoaffective,bipolar, PTSD and extreme anxiety. I was doing so well I thought and my psych determined I was ok without all the meds so I’m on anxiety and sleep meds. My husband and I have been struggling a lot and I’m scared if I tell him about my mental anguish he will leave me. I have worked on getting through so much but while he’s glad I’m trying he still can’t say he’s proud of anything I do. It’s like it’s all one big inconvenience to everyone that I suffer like this. I haven’t told my Psych. Because I know he’s going to say Hospital. Then I’ll put everyone out. Just really struggling about what to do.

The best way to help your husband and your other loved ones is to be honest with your doctor and work on finding a med combination that actually works for you. He probably won’t send you to the hospital unless you’re actively suicidal. And if you’re suicidal, you definitely need the hospital. Odds are, he will just say, “okay you do need meds after all,” and then you will start feeling better.

If you think your mental state is due to specific extra stress in your life, you should still be honest with your doctor, but ask him to teach you coping skills instead of changing your meds. The coping skills can help you get over the hurdle in your life.

My girlfriend got off her meds was delusional and hearing voices which led to her causing a car accident.Several people were hurt and now she’s sitting in jail looking at possible 40yrs to life.Get the help you need to get better without that your not going to make yourself or anyone else happy.If people around you really love you then they will be supportive.In the end you have to take care of you no one else will be there if you don’t.

Hey its ok ,I feel the same way, and I actually do put my family through hardship that otherwise they wouldn’t have to deal with.

Just cope as best as you can and be productive when you can and you’ll feel much better for it.

Even little inconsiquantiol things can make a difference, sorry bout the spelling.

why dont you speak to your Husband…he should be able to listen to you and should help you.

Or not… maybe he is not enlightend

**Dear @Chatterbox~
You should be able to discuss this with your husband without fear, and he should be a support to you. This is not your fault-and if anyone is acting in any other way, then your better off.
Your doctor should also know. You are not a burden. Everyone else is just harried, and hurried.
Stay strong for yourself, and let others help you OO **

Dear Chatterbox, I would be really happy if my family member sought treatment. You helping yourself by seeing your doctor and being honest with the doctor is something to be proud of, even if for any reason you decide not to tell anyone else you saw the doctor.

Damn Unlucky now you have me paranoid that is going to happen to me. Wishing all the best for you and her though.

I was in the same place as your husband. My ex-wife was also dealing with schizo-affective bipolar.

The main reason we are not together anymore is due to the fact that she refused to accept treatment for her issue, and that she never kept me informed of her treatment plans. If she had been upfront and honest with me and would actively seek help, then we would probably still be together trying to make it work out.

Tell your husband, tell your doctor. If you face this problem alone you may very well end up alone.

Update: I have not called my doctor yet but I did call a counselor. I plan to call my psych next week. I talked to husband some and came to some conclusions. He doesn’t think this is a hospital issue. I’m beginning to wonder if under all the surface work we did that a new illness , maybe the original illness is showing up. Borderline personality disorder. Going to ask my psych. Thank you for all your feedback. It was all very helpful.

Thank you. I have come close to being alone several times. Good advice! I appreciate an insider/ outsider view. I read a book about how mental illness looks like to family members who are not I’ll. Very insightful.

He doesn’t support me fully. Just thinks I’m self absorbed so it is a little difficult plus when I try to talk to anyone face to face I get tongue tied and can’t make my thoughts organize properly. Nothing I say comes out right. Thank you for your reply.

I have the same exact problem, with communicating. But in my case I found that only I thought that my boyfriend thought I was self-centered and an inconvenience. Once I told him I felt that way, and also that he didn’t seem to understand that some things that are easy for most people are really hard for me, he let me know that wasn’t the case. I often feel like he doesn’t put much stock in my depression and anxiety, because he’s never suffered from them himself. But when I asked if it had occurred to him that my brain just doesn’t work like his and I have a tough time with simple things, he actually laughed, and said, “Of course I know that, I’ve known you for five years.” He just never talked about it, because, as he pointed out, it would be kinda weird to just point out to someone, “Hey, you have a hard time talking to people,” when they obviously already know.

When it’s hard to say what you need to say to your partner, counselors have always suggested to me a formula: “I feel ____ when you ____.” It’s hard to argue with, because it’s a feeling, and it should help him realize how his actions (or lack thereof) affect you. Try to explain to him that you feel like a burden, and you’re trying to get better but you have an illness and need his support. I find that people usually feel guilty when you confront them with your own guilt over inconveniencing them – even if they do sometimes secretly see you as a burden, you putting it out there in concrete words forces them to admit to having that feeling, which should cause shame, because if you love someone and commit to them, you’ve basically made an agreement to share each other’s burdens.

So give it a try.
But don’t ignore what he says when you do open up to him about your problems. My boyfriend has said that I’m too self-centered too, but it’s not necessarily because he just doesn’t understand depression. The fact is, focusing on helping other people really is a great way to combat depression. The problem is that when you’re depressed, it will seem to take more energy than you have. But if you can find a way to take your mind outside of yourself and think of other people, it definitely helps. Just focus on doing something active, rather than worrying you’re being a burden to others.

Hope this helps.

Sometimes it helps to write things down in a letter. Maybe even copy this conversation down and show it to him.