My boyfriend has a very interesting sense of sexuality. It’s not necessarily a BAD thing but sometimes I wonder… Here’s the deal. Obviously, he has extreme social anxiety. He doesn’t like to go anywhere… You all already know the deal on going to restaurants only if it’s slow… Grocery stores only after the crowd has left etc. The thing is, every time that he does go out to do something, whether it be running to get a carry out order or snagging some vitamins from the store… He always comes back with a story of someone giving him “the vibe.” He just started his new job and after the very first day already he told me about two nurses on separate occasions giving him the vibe. When he explains the situation… I don’t see anything wrong with what happened and I rarely recognize how it could be like hitting on him. Does that make sense??? I know his background pretty well, too. And it still amazes me. He grew up in a fucked up family and was overweight and has had a legit insecurity about his appearance ever since. He is far from fat now, but still struggles with his outward appearance. One if the things that gets me is how can someone who is so insecure physically, think almost every interaction with the opposite(and sometimes same) sex is something sexual???
all part of a sickness that has never been figured out.
DANGIT. But it’s “normal?” I do something similar but I have a different condition. Do you do that, too? Whether or not the “doctors” and “researchers” have any “data” regarding the subject is not of importance. I want to hear from others with the same situation.
Really? …15 of them.
15 of them? How do you mean??
I too am likely to sexualize situations that maybe I shouldn’t. I think that’s a common trait, but it’s frowned on when you do it in the everyday interaction of life. It’s best not to give those “vibes” too much weight. If you chase after every butterfly you might fall off a cliff.
Did he say the ‘vibe’ means sexual attention.
Nattyo. You need a minimum of 15 characters in an answer or it won’t post. If your answer is too short, the software will put up a message that says you need at least 15 characters. So people have taken to writing out “15 characters” to meet the minimum word count. Personally I just hold down the “period key”. It does the same thing as writing out “15 characters” but it’s easier.
I’m guessing… It’s possible that the stress of being out triggers a form of tactile hallucinations so he ‘feels’ this and contributes it to getting ‘the vibe’.
If his family was “fucked up”, as you put it, in any sexual ways (molestation, etc.), even if another sibling was the victim and not him, then he might now be hyper-sensitive to sexually-geared looks, attention or ‘vibes’ from others… Only instead of finding them a pleasurable ego-boost as “normies” might, they could be heightening his anxiety and/or causing confusion.
You said it very well, Erratica.
Very well put, erratica. I can relate to him in that way, for sure. That part makes sense to me. What I was wondering about was him misinterpreting situations to be sexual when they are not. I get pretty annoyed when I am hit on and so does he. The thing is, I don’t think the situations appear to him as they really are. It can be a simple verbal exchange, no matter the age (as in way older, not younger) or kind of person, he thinks they are hitting on him. Those misinterpretations. I was curious if that could be a type of hallucination. Every day he experiences vocal hallucinations and sometimes visual. I think hallucination could be involved in these misinterpretations. Does that make sense?
Yes, there could be delusional thinking involved, too… I’ve had problems with incorrectly reading things into situations that aren’t there and have also often ‘heard’ people insult me to each other, when in reality (if I can force myself to really listen to them, ignoring what my mind inserts) they usually aren’t talking about me all.
Similarly, your boyfriend might think that people are saying sexual things about him that they actually aren’t… Or, if he has a mind-reading delusion, he may believe that they’re thinking about him in sexual ways.
Yeah. I know it’s not mind reading delusion but just having a delusional sense of the situation happens all the time. Also, what you said about your boyfriend and hearing others talking bad about them… That’s my boyfriend as well. So I guess it’s not always sexual. On his first day at his job he swore that the others were talking about how much he stunk. Like they were repulsed by him. (He does not stink, especially at the hospital.) One of the ladies is a small Philippino woman and he heard her saying these nasty things about him to the other. So he remembered the voice. Later on in the day, that same lady came up to him for the first time and started talkin to him with this THICK accent. And that’s when he realized that they weren’t talking about him at all. Hahaha because the voice he heard from her wasn’t her voice at all. Lmao.
I suspect that a psychologist would say this… people have the need to feel valued, sexual desirability is one way that people feel valued, and the fear that one is not valued might create the need to interpret things that suggest you are valued - i.e. the sexual interest interpretations.
So - someone who doesn’t feel good about their looks might tend to interpret sexual interest in very small and trivial actions. It feels good to think people are interested in you. This is true for everyone, pretty much (as long as its not overwhelming). He might subconsciously also want to create some jealousy - to let you know that he’s a valuable guy.
A person who is feeling powerless - might tend to be paranoid about people who are rich and powerful trying to steal his business ideas.
We all do this to one degree or another…
And one way to help your boyfriend is to express your own sexual interest in him, compliment him, try to convey your your interest in him and reasons - so he can help to understand his positive aspects.
At the same time - don’t feed his delusions - talk to him about his feelings. “How did you feel about that situation” “I wouldn’t have interpreted the situation like that - but it obviously upset you”
Be understanding and try to help him understand his feelings.
Thanks for posting this. I get vibes in all sorts of intense ways all the time, some I can rationalise, others not. This was definitely an other, and I was at a loss to why I was getting sexual vibes. I just worry about some of the people it happens with. Grossly inappropriate at times and very distressing, but I guess that’s the point of them.
Wow. Thank you ALL. Seriously.
I was told by my low self-esteem Sz friend that whenever he meets women being kind and “good” to him, the voices “continue” this simple contact and tell him words that lovers say each other (even sexual). For example, during these moments of polite communication with a real woman, a woman’s voice (illusion) tells him in his head: “You are my baby, you seem so beautiful and powerful” and then, in someway, he confuses reality with illusion and “fells in love” with her. But the voices may become “sexual” enough: that leads to increased sexuality of all these people…