@Cura
Sounds like a chore.
I understand your younger brother is suffering. It’s possible that he doesn’t even notice how much torment and pain he is enduring (my own brother is only now realizing he went through years of suffering).
As for me,
I’m not drowning under the tide of the new job yet, so that’s going better than I thought. Don’t worry, the trials will start soon enough. Haha!
I only hope that I’ve already been through tougher situations than what any job can throw at me. I’m reasonably confident.
I made myself lunch and dinner today.
That doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a big win for me!
I have big goals, saving money by cooking at home is integral. Not that I’m no good in the kitchen, but I’ve had a lot of distractions until now.
@hope
Crunchy sweet and spicy pork, stirfry veggies and baked squash.
I’m lucky that my girlfriend keeps a big variety of ingredients around! A guy could get used to “just look in the cupboard” when specific ingredients suddenly become necessary. Certainly never had that going on when I lived alone!
Hi Cura. I’m so sorry for the pain and sadness you’re feeling about your little brother. I’m hoping for that miracle for him. Peace and hugs to you all.
Hello all, have not posted much lately. How am I? Feeling really bummed, my son has been waiting a competency hearing since may. At first, accepting, awaiting the outcome. As months have passed it is becoming harder to hope that all is going to work out for him. The doubts start creeping in. The nights get longer and longer and I’m back to having anxiety. Troubles sleeping. I’m trying to keep my thoughts positive. I feel like everyone has forgotten my son Lou including my partner. We never talk about it. Pretty sad, I’m just stuck here, waiting. That’s all - AnnieNorCal
@Annia so sorry you are feeling lost and forgotten. I just woke up here, and wanted you to know you are not forgotten. I think many of us feel that way who have children with schizophrenia. People who used to be a part of our lives, even family members disappear, don’t ask about our children. For me, I become grateful for the few friends who are still around. My daughter had to go to the dentist yesterday, a major coup, just getting her there. The dentist came out and told her her teeth needed work @ General, should be beets, and of course, everything went downhill, and she asked to leave. I brought it back to the cleaning, which she was willing to do, and they did that. I remembered to be grateful for what I had, not for what I did not. Today is a new day. We forget to find meaning in life, becoming so absorbed with the illness.
The legal system is so slow, so many delays. I hope you find some light in today. Cerium.
The waiting game is SO HARD. And even harder for you, I imagine, since you can’t see Lou or even get reports on how he is doing. When my son spent a year in jail, I wan’t allowed to see him, only send daily emails (one way). It was terrible, not being able to help him and not even knowing how he was feeling. I’m so sorry that your son won’t (isn’t able to?) sign a ROI so you can at least have information on his care and well being. That’s been the saving grace for me now that my son is in the state hospital- I am invited to care conferences and kept in the loop about med changes, etc.
I think of you often. Please know that you can talk about him to all of us anytime (not the same, I know, but something).
Take care and thanks for checking in.
Hi AnnieNorCal, sorry you are feeling so bummed out. Its hard to force those doubts out of our minds. We struggle with real concerns that would make anyone anxious. Glad you are trying to keep your thoughts positive. We need to talk about our children, we never forget them. So much waiting in our world. Take care of yourself.
@AnnieNorCal I’m sorry to hear of your struggle. I know it would drive me mad. I don’t know if it would help or if it’s better to get the competency evaluation sooner than later. But if it would help to get it sooner perhaps you could get permission from the judge to have it done on your dime. We had to do that for my son. He was not in jail however. It cost me about $700. Here is the person we went to. I know she is out of State but she may be able to direct you to a doctor in CA who can do it. Just a thought. She wasn’t easy to find. I’m not even sure how my sons father found her. We just kept pushing through until a door opened. https://www.neuroworks.net/dr-elise-ginsburg/ It took a good 4 hours the first day and a few the second. I believe if found incompetent, they put the trial off until he is deemed competent again (another eval). In our case the judge deemed my son competent.
Today (or your brother’s birthday 2 days ago) may not be a good day, but there IS hope for improvement. Our son spent his birthday in a hospital with a NG tube because he had been refusing to eat or drink. Nor was he talking. He would not even eat the ice cream we brought. It’s a long story, but a few months later he is now getting help he needs and taking meds and showing signs of improvement. We have a long ways to go, but things seem to always change with this illness. You are cared about!
Sending hugs to you. I wish I could take this away. I have known some persons who got the help they needed as a result of being in jail and eventually had some meaningful recovery. But whatever happens, you have done all you can do, at least for now. Try to rest. You are a good mom but even moms cannot fix everything. Perhaps you can do something special for someone else in honor of what you would like to be doing for your son. I find that helping others helps me. And you must take care of you…What ONE thing can you do for yourself in the next week for you??
Today I phoned my schizophrenia office to see what courses might be coming up to join but the problem is the office is no longer open.No one is there to help us
Many challenges.
Many variables.
Adversities I have already faced provide confidence that I am ready and capable. Fear of unknown struggles breed thoughts of doubt. But it’s reassuring to look back and know that, even at my most foolish and lazy, I discovered that I could overcome with tenacity and some time spent planning.
Each new struggle provides lessons and tools to overcome the next.
Seems like I will be getting a lot of new lessons and a lot of new tools come Monday.
Bring it on!
Today for the firat time my son got the diagnosis of “schizoaffective disorder”. An ER doctor who has seen him a few times since fifth grade finally gave this diagnosis. Earlier it was bipolar with psychosis NOS. He is almost 15, so I guess this is when they atart using the “schiz” syllable!
Thank you to everyone inthis forum for being so honest and so supportive.
We came home from the ER with hm calmed down for the moment.
On really sad days I visit the thread “How to deal with the sadness of my sons schizophrenia” My knowledgeable friend said she was told to not be afraid to “lean into her grief” sometimes.
