Tell us how you are today?


#885

Glad to hear that some of us are regaining our sense of self. I don’t exactly know for myself when Schizophrenia started becoming a smaller issue on my mind and in my daily efforts. I do know that I always intended on carrying forward with my own priorities, finding a way to be the person my brother needs while still being the person I deserve to be. Difficult, but well worth the effort.

Today is my last shift with my old job.
I will have a few days off before my new job starts. It will be a period of some anxiousness, but I am well versed in calmly waiting to see what happens (as I know you all are as well!)
It is nice to enjoy my coworkers’ well wishes. I am glad that I am surrounded by positive, supportive people. I assured them that I enjoyed my job and being on the team, but that I will always be seeking the next big challenge.

I hope that this new job is the challenge I need. I hope that I spend years expanding my ability on the job. And climbing the ladder.
We will see.


#886

Oh good for you! Coaching is so much fun. Some years ago, I coached my sons flag football team as the team lost their coach and would have been disbanded. I learned most of what I knew from the boys who had been on the team before, it was a lot of fun for me. I can’t imagine what it takes to be a pro-coach and get paid for the job. A person needs so much brain power right continuously in the present in the exact moment to moment play of the game. No time for any other thoughts at all, just the game. I am so glad you are involved with a new team.


#887

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be confusing. At this point I am back to being retired from coaching. When things were so bad here with Jeb last fall, I had to stop. I think it was good I did. As horrible as it was for 6 weeks in the summer of 2017, it was about to get a whole lot worse. I don’t know if the hurricane crisis we had here last year made it worse or not, probably did. He didn’t begin damaging the garage apartment we had built for him until after the hurricane. I began having such frequent eye migraines they actually tested me for a lesion on my brain stem. We were a bit under siege here with Jeb terrorizing us 24 hours a day, and it kept getting worse.

Working the exercise goal has partially been about getting over 2017 like @wreklus said, “regaining our sense of self”.

So glad you coached your son’s team – coaching is a lot of fun.


#888

Once you get there…to acceptance, it is much easier. On us and on them. Often times we think in terms of us…it is coached in how we can help them but it is really about us. We moms we are fixers and by golly we are gonna fix this. A conversation today with my son brought this home. I was lamenting over how I wish I could help him with a new roof but that is not in our means at present. He said “Let me see if I can make you feel better” and went on to recount many little things I had done lately, ending with “you have helped me”. You see, he is not the same little boy I had, nor is he by worldly standards a successful adult. He is quirky on his good days, tough to be around on his bad days, but he is still my son. Different but the same. He doesn’t need me to fix things, he needs me to love him. And today he reminded me of that.


#889

Oh what a wonderful conversation with your son you had today! It made me cry real tears. What a great way to help you for him to point out the many little things you’ve done. Oh, yayee!

Yes, sigh, I had to accept that I couldn’t fix this… I thought I could fix almost anything… and then it was easier to see that she is still my daughter, “different but the same” as you said. She does need me to love her. I need to be kinder.


#890

Bad again. I definitely have depression. I hardly have motivation to do anything at times. My 25th birthday is in a few days and I’m not very excited.


#891

@oldladyblue. Acceptance is the answer to all of our problems. It is difficult, as parents, to feel that we cannot make our children different, help them to get better. With schizophrenia we can love them as they are today, in this moment, not who they were, or how we expected them to be.

True acceptance of my daughter’s schizophrenia has taken me 14 years. It has been a baby step process. I am grateful she is here with me today. When she got so bad last year I had to quit my job to care for her. That was my choice and what I decided was best to honor my late husband’s and my wishes. She is stable today. She doesn’t work, nor have what life I expected of her in the past, but today, I know she is in the best place she can be with this terrible illness.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us about your son.


#892

I hope that you feel good for your birthday. I often had a rough time on my birthdays, as I had these weird expectations that my birthday would be magical each year. It almost never was magical. As I got older, I started buying myself a piece of carrot cake (my favorite) and a bottle of Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Cider (looks like champagne but is apple juice with bubbles in a wine looking bottle) and celebrating my birthday alone in the morning of my birthday. It was the best way, as I gave up expectations of anything else. Sometimes someone else would remember, sometimes not (and I’m talking my kids and husband often forgot). So do something YOU like for yourself for your birthday! It feels good to treat yourself…


#893

So hard to accept the current situation. I have never been a calm, tolerant person. It is hard for me to try to be that way.


#894

I completely understand and can relate. My neighbors will ask how my son is doing and I play things off like the meds are working fabulously or fairly well even when they are not. Then when I’m by myself I wonder how I can live like this or my son live like this forever - - the constant worrying…today was a fairly good day though so I try to be hopeful but it wears you down


#895

Thanks a lot. Cake sounds nice, I think I’ll buy a slice and take myself out to eat or something else I like.


#896

Good for you. Happy Birthday soon!


#897

Thank you so much :blush:


#898

@fleetingrose and @oldladyblue - That is what I used to do for myself when I was single on Valentine’s Day - worked like a charm and I always got something I liked!


#899

Hi all!
Today was my first day at the new job.
I’m really glad I studied up, but I have so much more to learn. The meetings are a very confusing mix of technical jargon, nicknames and non-industry-standard terminology. It is quite literally like learning a new language.
At least I got my office set up. I had to haul a desk, chair and some office supplies up a bunch of stairs, then assemble it all. I am physically beat!
Super grateful to have my ever supportive girlfriend around. I’m certain that nobody achieves anything noteworthy without a support system!


#900

Hey everyone,
Since we are on the topic of birthdays… Today is my little brothers 21st birthday. There won’t be any alcohol, definitely no parties, and he won’t be having friends over. Going out to a nice dinner has been off the table for years. He may or may not even eat birthday cake. He won’t be in the same room for long enough for us to sing happy birthday. Instead he’ll be in his room, separate from all of us, in another world in his head. My wishes for him have changed so much over the last 3 years of his sz symptoms. I used to wish he would snap out of it, then I wished meds would make everything better. Now I just wish his symptoms don’t bother him today so he can enjoy his birthday.

Sorry to change the mood but my heart is heavy tonight. Special days and holidays always make the reality of the situation so much harder to bear. This is not how I thought we would celebrate this birthday. Not in a million years.


#901

Oh, Cura, I so very much understand. I am sad that you are sad. We all wish there was a way to snap someone out of this illness. I hope you can feel better yourself.


#902

Most of my acquaintances no longer ask how my daughter is doing. Maybe I am sort of glad for that, I don’t have to explain much that way.


#903

I know what you mean Cura. I have gotten to the point where I just hope my son has a better day on his birthday and holidays.

Nowadays I try to contact him as little as possible in case he is having a good day and I ruin it for him.

Me too.


#904

@Cura Have you tried profrontal or sarcosine? Others have had some luck with that. You could put in his food or I use the sarcosine in water, coffee or tea. It sweetens it up a bit. You can get it from brainvitaminz. This did not work for my son as I couldn’t get him to take enough of it. It has worked for others here on the forum. It is supposed to help with sz and severe depression. I’m sorry about your sadness today.

Once I said - my son may get his s*** together if a miracle happens. I had a reply that - He’s not going to get it together as he has sz. Well, guess what? A miracle did happen and he is now working 55 hours a week and talking to me. The miracle was the hospital and drugs but I honestly never thought I’d see him as a more or less normal adult. Have faith, sometimes miracles do happen.