New to this group. I am in desperate need of support. My guy with schizophrenia has been stable and medicated for 10 years but has always lived alone. We dated 10 years ago before he was medicated for one year. We reunited 2 years ago. He moved in with me after a few months. We couldnt wait to be together. We love each other so much. I have c-ptsd. He moved out after 6 months because I slept in the other room after a fight. He moved in with his sister. He said we had irreconcilable differences. He left so fast. I did not know if he would ever call me agian. He called 30 days later. We stayed long distance for 6 months. He moved back in. It’s been almost 13 months. My ptsd has been flared up really bad. We have had so much financial stress and I get upset with him for not talking more or being more affectionate. He doesnt understand my ptsd very well. The other night I was so triggered I asked him if he wanted to break up. The next day he avoided me. I felt so scared and misunderstood and abandoned in that moment. I told him we need to discuss breaking up. I told him he was harming me because of how he avoided me and acted afraid of me. I told him I felt like he didnt love me. In that moment he decised to move out. That was two days ago. He is now living back with his sister. He will mot accept us not being friends but told me we would never get back together. He was done. He didn’t feel safe around me. He said my ptsd and anger was too much for him. He said he cannot take one more minute of me being upset with him. He is the love of my life. I blame myself for all of this. Will he come back? We were planning to be together forever. We love each other so much. He says I have done things that are unforgivable to him. I don’t feel I have. Is this an episode?
Welcome to this site.This is all naturally very confusing and upsetting for you
It sounds as if your loved one recognises the impact of stressors on his condition and well being and is trying to modify these.
Research and other evidence shows negatively emotionally charged environments are likely to worsen SZ symptoms and reduce the person’s capacity to cope.
It may be that he just can’t cope and if anything, he is trying to reduce the chance of a relapse by withdrawal from you. This shows a lot of insight.
A discussion about why he’s chosen to do this could be too much for him in his view.
Perhaps he feels he’s been coping well for 10 years and understandably will want to feel like that again even if it means not living his life in the same home with you.
I hope you manage to find a way through this upsetting time that is helpful to you both.
This Is difficult and I’m sorry you are hurting. The best thing would be for both of you to find a therapist. I mean one only for you who treats PTSD and one for your boyfriend to help deal with the disorder of Schizophrenia.
Until you can each deal with your own problems and figure things out for yourself it would be hard/impossible to connect and live together.
“So let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good.” Job‬ â€34‬:â€4‬ â€NLT‬‬
“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Amos 3:3
Diagnosed opinion here.
You say he doesn’t understand ptsd well, I feel you don’t understand schizophrenia well. A common strategy among people with schizophrenia to relieve emotional or logical tension is conflict avoidance. If outside stimulation causes you distress, you stay inside and draw the curtains. If loud sounds or voices cause you distress, you go somewhere quiet or mask them with loud music or TV etc. If fights with your girlfriend over things you don’t understand cause you distress, you might walk on eggshells, say very little and avoid her where possible, perhaps until things blow over. If particular subjects or situations tend to trigger paranoias or delusions, you do your best to avoid them. The underlying psychology of people in recovery maintenance of schizophrenia is let’s do whatever we can to avoid another psychotic break and/or hospitalization.
What you’re competing with is a familiar but stable life on his own or with family or friends. I’ve lived that life. It can be stable and safe, but can feel lonely, colorless and barren. The main advantage I found with partnered life is with the right partner, under the right circumstances, you can feel less lonely and importantly have a trusted party who can reality-check your thoughts and feelings about social situations, events etc. This can be huge for someone with schizophrenia and can open their world and make life much easier. But, when you or your partner act in ways that brings the underlying trust into question for reasons real or imagined, it can shatter the relationship and bring new meanings to loneliness and confusion even as the relationship persists.
I don’t profess to know much about ptsd, but I understand trauma—psychosis and reintegration afterwards is arguably an inherently traumatic experience. And from a layman’s understanding of ptsd, sufferers tend to dwell on, or revisit past traumas. For good or ill, psychiatrists show a marked preference for patients with schizophrenia to shut up about their psychotic (traumatic) experiences. In fact I’d say many of them (and caregivers) would view this as progress. And in recovery, I learned I had to be very careful and selective about how and with whom I spoke about my traumas. I’m unsure how this lines up with the experience of ptsd sufferers, but what I’m getting at is we likely have common ground, but approach things in different ways. And I feel there’s work to be done on both sides to understand and appreciate both approaches toward maintaining and supporting each in your recoveries, should you get back together.