Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Venting/Panicking/Slow Burning Crisis

Hey everyone, long time not post.
I am full of negativeity right now, and I need to just get it out. I am so sorry.

Things have been sprialing downwards for months now. It started in October, and it seemed like pretty standard Seasonal Affective Disorder. We met with the doctor and strategized. But things kept getting worse. Now, my spouse is not functioning. He has missed so much work. His work called me on Friday for me to pick him up because he was exhibiting symptoms at work. He might need to take a leave of absence, if not quit. He is experiencing delusions and psychosis. He is paranoid and lashes out at me, while isolating himself from everyone else. His doctor tripled his mood stabilizer, but I still walk on eggshells around him. He WANTS to quit his job. He is fixated on taking the LSAT, and spends most of his time studying for the LSAT. This is new, as 2 months ago he wanted to start an online business, and before that he was going to pay $500 for an online astrology school. (I have nothing against any of these things in particular, but his behavior is erratic, is my point)

Money is tight (nonexistent.) I am freaking out. With the extra medications and emergency doctor’s appointments, I don’t think we have enough to get us through the end of the month. I have an appointment to sell plasma this week. I don’t know what to do beyond that.

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Well, thats about the end of the road here in my opinion… Married with kids? If not walk away and start over somewhere far away.

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we are married. we do not have kids. I have no plans on walking out on my spouse. He is very ill. I just feel at a loss. There are no safety nets where we live. I feel alone.

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Not easy until he conforms to docs and meds and allowing you management of resources. Try to formulate a plan forward with him.

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From my perspective as a parental relationship, not a spousal relationship, I agree with the above that you need to formulate a plan. Which probably feels impossible right not. I think it is necessary for you to find some support system for yourself to help you make possibly very difficult decisions and figure out what are workable next steps. This illness doesn’t get to take both of you down!

Try to get some space, some support and some relief in your current precarious situation. Getting control of the finances are an important first step.

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Yes. Normally our finances are much more stable than they are this month. Unfortunately , aside from my husband’s SZA, we have had several medical emergencies in the last 6 weeks that have brought the unexpected.
I’m working on a plan to get us back on track, that involves first getting us through the next 2 weeks, then the next 4. We met with my husband’s doctor yesterday to create his safety plan for the next 4 weeks as well. We discussed the possibility of voluntary hospitalization, and what it looks like for him to need that (my spouse, like many of our relatives, i think, has long standing issues of being involuntarily committed.)
I just am also a working adult. I have so much going on right now, I feel like the world is falling down.
Thanks for your words of comfort. Planning always helps me feel better. <3

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No sorries! Not here!
I have to say I did consider selling my eggs at one point… and if you need the cash you need it. No judgement. Regardless if it’s ejaculate or plasma or a kidney… just be sure you’re making good life choices.
I understand completely the erratic inconsistent behaviors, ideas, mish-mashed theories and ideas… all of it. It makes my gut turn to hear that his work called you because his behaviors starting happening outside the home (which I understand is pretty common with SZ people’s to act out at the closest people to them, and function fairly well, if they are able, outside their home life) this is one of my biggest fears for my MI partner. A few years back he was actively jeopardizing his job. The company gave him an ultimatum, not unlike when an employee is forced into anger management or sensitivity training.
He went to two classes. Then stopped. It was enough to save his job, but he is still sick with no insight and he suffers. We suffer.
It sucks.

Good to hear there’s a doctor involved and your head seems to be in a good space (all things considered, I feel for you) with a formulated plan and good momentum. Keep it up! But don’t burn yourself out if you can at all help it. Good luck.

It is OK to vent here. I’m sorry for how this illness is affecting the rest of your life. Your description of your spouse’s behavior does seem to show the bi-polar aspect of SZA.

I agree that getting all hands on deck is critical…in addition to any doctors and mental health personnel, you need support partners (is there a NAMI Family Support Group in your area?) and perhaps leniency from some obligations if that is possible.