What is forgiveness…to you?
An acceptance of the reality without judgement of whom brought it upon them.
When it’s myself who needs forgiving of myself, the only answer I have is to work in some meaningful way. To relax and stop beating myself up about a self-beating that needs to be forgiven.
To work in some meaningful way…I like that!!!
Chordy, Maybe we have a tendency to beat ourselves up, because of the way our mothers treated us. We learned it from them. That’s why we need to be around people who care!
I know I beat myself up completely, I’m so utterly grateful for my parents standing by me when I was in my height of psychosis and I turned on them but they stayed put. They don’t understand why they should have done anything else. But I’m waking up right now; I’ve come to the realisation of what I did and I’m horrified with myself, I don’t know why anyone would stand by me but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t stand by someone going through the same thing.
Forgiveness has a whole spectrum I believe, I’m forgiving of (most) people that I’ve encountered in my life but when it comes to myself I stew and my self hate grows. I don’t think I’m alone in this.
You’re not alone in this.
I need for forgiveness from my mother. When deeply psychotic in schizophrenia episode I spat in her face. I deeply regreted it. I apologised but feel my mother has not properly forgiven me.
To forgive some one is to give them another chance to not do it again. To forgive myself is to allow myself another chance to prove I can do better.
It’s a learning process to not do that which has failed before, it’s to do differently and move forward.
Maybe you could talk to her about it and you could tell her how much you regretted it and how much you need her full forgiveness.
I agree, talk to her about it, ask what you need to do to show her you mean it that you regret your action and it won’t happen again. She may forgive you because you were psychotic, but you broke her trust in you that is not repaired by saying sorry. You have to earn your trust back by showing her you can keep your word, that you have control over your actions and that will be reflected in your behavior.
It will take some time, but in the end will be worth the effort.
@Dante13 That is very beautifully put. I’m in the same boat there.
I’m trying to forgive myself for what I’ve done to others, I’m also trying to forgive others for what they have done to me both real and imagined.
Forgiveness to me is the ability for everyone to finally let go and release the pain and be at ease with ourselves and others.
There is an absolutely brilliant poem on forgiveness at the bottom of this page:
ctnow.com: The Poetry of Pamela Spiro Wagner.
It was written by a poet who has schizophrenia. Her other poetry is superb as well, but this particular poem is breathtaking. It also reminds me of the Sufi saying, “Die before you die.” It doesn’t mean to harm yourself of course. It means to die to your own ego, overcome your ego, in fact.
Very nice poem. Here it is:
"To Forgive Is–
to begin
and there is so much to forgive:
for one, your parents, one and two,
out of whose dim haphazard coupling
you sprang forth roaring, indignantly alive.
For this, whatever else followed,
innocent and guilty, forgive them.
If it is day, forgive the sun
its white radiance blinding the eye;
forgive also the moon for dragging the tides,
for her secrets, her half heart of darkness;
whatever the season, forgive its various
assaults – floods, gales, storms
of ice – and forgive its changing;
for its vanishing act, stealing what you love
and what you hate, indifferent,
forgive time; and likewise forgive its fickle
consort, memory, which fades
the photographs of all you can’t remember;
forgive forgetting, which is chaste
and kinder than you know;
forgive your age and the age you were
when happiness was afire in your blood
and joy sang hymns in the trees;
forgive, too, those trees, which have died;
and forgive death for taking them,
inexorable as God; then forgive God
His terrible grandeur, His unspeakable
Name; forgive, too, the poor devil
for a celestial fall no worse than your own.
When you have forgiven whatever is of earth,
of sky, of water, whatever is named,
whatever remains nameless,
forgive, finally, your own sorry self,
clothed in temporary flesh,
the breath and blood of you
already dying.
Dying, forgiven, now you begin.
–By Pamela Spiro Wagner