I know loving someone with SZ is hard. Once I had a crush on someone who had the same diagnosis as me. And we began to fight, and I’m not sure who was on my side, because nobody interjected. To my knowledge and virtual perception, we both looked nutz. It was this time where the nature of the relationship was taking a drastic change, from childhood crush loving/distant yet emotionally in tune with one another, to acting out on paranoid delusions/ rolling over or fighting and letting those delusions hold power.
It gives me a really good idea of what kind of woman I want to be with, someone who can love me before I find something wrong to dwell upon. When you’re down, someone who gives you positive support is the world to me.
Louise, it’s almost like you’re my good twin out there in the world. I think that’s the hard part of this disease is that we’re confronted with harsh realities in a short time frame.
But hearing of your issues is really helping me to understand my own burdens. I think putting possible outcomes/solutions down on paper is a good idea and I will start doing that myself.
My friends/family are telling me to divorce her, but right now I’m not seriously considering that at the moment. But I’m leaving my options open for now.
How do you deal with getting the blame for doing things you didn’t do? Does he blame you for your illness or things that have happened?
Regardless, I will not only suggest the book I usually suggest (at the top of the list below), but those that follow, with the last one specifically for romantic partners and especially for romantic partners who have any mental health issues of any kind. So here we go:
Hi_- oh gosh yes on the harsh realities. Now here is something I realized tonite. He is always aware of when he is going into a relapse and of course we say get to doctor, we don’t want this to get any worse. But that never happens and it is another session in hell. Now he has never apologized afterwards, never. Even when I have said if you love me, get to the doctor (we have excellent insurance, etc). However he will tell me how much he loves me and I am the best thing that happened to him long after the hell is over and all is sunny. And the same happens when he neglects his physical health.
I do not think this is how it should be. If you truly love someone, you move heaven and earth for that person, the same includes taking care of oneself. Yes, I am aware things can spin out of control but at least he could make an effort. But I can say that he will not-will not even discuss the situation–and yes he is well aware of what is happening to him, very very aware. So it is not that total madness descends-and also academically he is a very intelligent person.
About getting blamed for things–I think at this point I have had enough of that. Too many times I have heard something like ‘you must know that I really didn’t it’. No I have never been able to say that I honestly believe it; I have never heard him ever say he was sorry for anything he put me thru. I have never heard "I am so sorry I must never let
this happen again’.
There have been indirect little things said that he thinks I could do more or love him more and all would be well. And I think that is c***. I did believe that for a time, but not now.
One thing you might think of is-manipulation. Husband is good at that, but until last month when two nurses in the local hospital told me that is what he was doing (this was for medical problem) I thought I must be wrong, Now I can look back and without a doubt see the manipulation.
I think what one has to do no matter how painful, is stand back and look at what is happening from other angles and perspectives. That is what I am doing now and it is not pleasant but I am getting a much clearer picture of things. And yes, I still care for him very much so this is very painful.
Sounds like there’s more to his diagnosis than sz. Something in the DSM IV Axis II cluster B realm like infantile narcissistic, antisocial / sociopathic / psychopathic or even sadistic personality.
I looked at the links and I honestly do not see anything there that I would apply to him. Now I cannot go into detail and for that matter I probably would not be all that accurate, but I think there are a couple of telling incidents in his childhood that might account for his being somewhat manipulative (no, this had nothing to do with abuse, sexual or otherwise). He was in a position due a very traumatic injury that left him bedridden for some months and quite the celebrity in this rather small town as he battled to be able to walk again, to find how easy to be center of attention. Then as young adult he was in another vehicle accident that was so horrendous he is a walking miracle. And this also took months of surgery and rehab. The first accident he was seven years old.
Also the family is somewhat dysfunctional in regard to a father who although he was a good provider, never had time for the children. And there are some issues that I suppose one could chalk up to sibling rivalry with his older (by 3 years) brother. His psychiatrist only a couple of weeks ago wanted to talk about the problems re brother and he refused to talk of the subject. And yes it was my talking with her and explaining that I think there is something there to be solved that she approached the subject.
However I never met his parents as they passed away before I met him. He never really talks much of his childhood and to be honest I think we are at an age we really don’t go back to those times. Oh this does get complicated–I am rather glad I never thought of being a mental health worker as I think I would not be very apt for the field.
I do thank you for your thoughts; I think it is too bad that I did not know of this site and all the great people who offer support and insight-might have made a great deal of difference as to how I cope with all this.
We had two years with our adopted son (came home when he was 10) before he was diagnosed. 2 years of a somewhat normal experience of being his parents before he started with auditory and visual hallucinations. We love him because he’s ours. I asked my husband once how he could love me with all my flaws and he said “because you’re mine. I chose you.” I guess it’s like that. Not everyone will stay of course. Not everyone chooses to love. But those who do are a gift.
My girlfriend and I both have sz. We both take our meds and comply with treatment. We’re both doing well and our relationship isn’t very different than any other.
There were times when my girlfriend was going through some rough spots and ended up hospitalized. While difficult, we got through those tough times. Every relationship has hardships from time to time.
Ok, I’m new, as in this is literally my virgin post, I’m bi-polar, with a couple other things thrown in for fun. I’m bad as I will be non-compliant until I feel the slide and no, I don’t consider the mania and depression the slide; it’s more for me when the panic attacks set in BECAUSE I can no longer handle the highs and lows. But I’m actually off topic. I’m dating a great guy, who I 100% believe is schizophrenic. He see, hears, all sorts of things. I’m refuse to give up on him because these aren’t his fault. To make matters worse he will occasionally use street drugs, but says the delusions were there way before. I’m trying to explain he needs help, but I also know from experience; unless he wants help he won’t try or go. Any one have any articles on the delusions with and without drug use I can read and then possibly show him? Any help or comments are appreciated. And I will say this before anyone else does, yes, I am aware he can trigger my slides. I’m being vigil. Thanks for listening!!
Being in a close relationship w/ someone with a serious MI such as bp, sz or sza can be very stressful. From my experience, they demand MUCH more attention than your average person.
Also, they can trigger each other so it can be dangerous. Generally, I think a person w/ a serious MI is better off being w/ a neuro-typical person if possible.
I know if he wants help eventually he will get it, if he thinks he’s fine it’s going to be a long way or it might never come the day. Sorry… What does he family say about it?
Again I wish my bf was a part of this online community, he would be able to add so much to this topic. I’ll try for him.
Recently over the past 4-5 months, I’ve been sliding downhill into sza depression. My depressions are crippling and often lead to hospitalizations. I go through the I love you/dont love you phases that someone else mentioned above. We just had a fight which resulted in not talking for days. I broke the silence by saying: i’m sorry, it’s the depression talking, not me. He said I know you well enough to know when it’s the sza and when it’s you. I asked why he was still with me. He said: I love you even though you drive me fucking nuts. For him it takes iron mental strength to separate/compartmentalize himself off from my crazy.
Something makes it worth it, and he’s decided that. I feel the same way when I know I’ve made my husband miserable. He doesn’t deserve to suffer, but he does love me and he’s made a commitment (which amazes and humbles me). We’re lucky/blessed if we found someone with that kind of devotion.
the outcome for schizophrenia varies wildly. some women probably marry a guy and wind up being a maid, with her marriage parleyed into extramarrital affairs by the husband. women look more for a willingness and capacity to participate in society than men, so dating is harder for schizophrenic men because these two things get hit by the illness.
my experience is that people are amazed at what i’ve done with my life once they find out i’m schizophrenic. one woman told me, “I’ve never met anyone who has so much trouble just existing as you.” so, if you can pull your weight in a relationship, many people will probably love you out of compassion and respect. it’s tough when you’re younger, but women over 40 just care about looks. shame so many of them are rabidly looking to marry. okay, that didn’t come out right.
my gf (now ex) has sz. i only knew about it months after we dated but it didnt change how much i love her. sometime i feel like i’m like her except i wasn’t diagnosed by the professional. I never think that having sz or not is different though because i like her just the way she is. However, most of the time we got into a big fight because she changed mood instantly and i just like to make her mad even more. Most of the time i never realized she has sz so i might have gone too far and made her stressed even more. She’s the type of person that really keep everything to herself and it was so hard for me to know what’s really happening in her mind or at her place (plus we were in long distance relationship). There were time where her backstabbing friend tried to influenced her into thinking that i cheated on her and made up stories about how i lied about loving her. Usually she always have this doubt that i was seeing someone else because we were far away but when her snake friend poisoned her mind like that it got really worse. Especially when we got into a fight and she got hospitalized because of me, her snake friend made up fake conversation and show to her how i never care when she was in a hospital. We worked on that problem and she’s not friend with that snake anymore, but the thoughts of me didnt care about her when she got hospitalized was still there. I dont know why she still think like that even when i showed her the real proof of how i tried contacting her mom when she was admitted. It was so hard to maintain the ups and down especially in long distance relationship, but i think i’ll never find someone like her ever. We are no longer together but i still love her.
