Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Why, why, why?


#1

My dad (schizophrenic) has been treating my mum, me and my brother bad for a long time now. He will says mean things, he will disrespect us and we even found out that my dad has been cheating on our mum for quite some time. My mum doesn’t want to leave my dad because people keep telling her that it’s his illness that is making him treating people bad.
But that shouldn’t be an excuse, should it? I mean, can you treat people like crap just because your schizophrenic??
Why cheat on my mum who is only doing all she can to help?? He is driving our family apart.
This is a serious question by the way, so no silly answers with aliens, vampires make him do it or anything else please.

ヾ( ・`⌓´・)ノ゙


#2

Man kick that dude in the nuts and tell him to cowboy up or go catatonic.


#3

Sounds like the family could do with family counselling. Which would help to set boundaries and help you all to communicate better.


#4

Schizophrenia or not people should be held accountable for their actions. This disease is different from case to case so it’s difficult to tell just how bad off he is. Anycase while this disease can ruin lives it really isn’t that bad if your stable. You just have a bunch of extra shit in your brain. Seems like he well enough functioning to me. Maybe it’s time he had a talking to.


#5

@BryanAshley
yeah, I agree that he should own up, but I don’t get it when people say that it is his illness doing it.
That’s sort off giving him a carte blanc to do whatever he wants to do just because he is ill.
I don’t get it.


#6

That’s the most sedentary mindset anyone could have as a schizo…(it’s not my fault bs). I answer to my mistakes that I’ve made and I layed in bed for like a day or two just looking at the ceiling and I kept telling myself I couldn’t afford to make another mistake. Sometimes it’s hard to really observe how damaging actions can be when we’re manic.


#7

This post belongs in the family section - best of luck to you


#8

@neveragain
How come you can think so clear and someone as my dad can’t??
Has that to do with medications or just personality??


#9

I don’t know how to change topics


#10

It’s okay, he’s not grounded in his reality and he’s lost his own confidence and feels trapped and helpless. Most of the time when I feel this way I’m a fleeting fool who makes horrible decisions and then reflect on these things through punishing voices for years. No matter what’s wrong with you, at a certain age I believe we understand that we are way too old to make so many mistakes. Kill that stuff with kindness and ask him as much as possible how he feels and where he thinks he may go. Even banter like this really gets me to snap out and I feel that maybe he’d open up right? Ok. Maybe I’m wrong. Ask him who he loves, why he hurts himself by denying his life. He must be a very sad man, I have been this way before. Makes me think of the prince song (when the doves cry).


#11

Was your dad once a nicer person or was he always like this? Maybe his medication stopped working well and that affected his mood.


#12

Good point! Maybe he had a medicine change or isn’t open minded to accept that he needs more help. I wouldn’t force the help on him unless his was belligerently out of control…(almost there).


#13

There is a tendency to hide behind our illness among a lot of sz’s. God knows I am subject to it. There is a difference between being demoralized by voices and doing something cruel when you know better. You need to get your father to understand that his behavior is intolerable.


#14

AYE! Maybe remind him of his old hobbies or possibilities of new ones shared with you…


#15

i am sz and i know the difference between right and wrong.
being unfaithfull, cruel…etc…their is no excuse.
yes you can go pyschotic, then your personality can change and you can become angry…cruel etc…
but these are episodes…for some of us they can last a long time.
but i still have a certain amount of control.
i still apologise afterwards and try and make up for it.
take care


#16

i agree, there is no excuse to be that mean and behave in a way that hurts others. Even if it was his illness, I think the bigger problem is why your mom allows herself to be treated that bad, granted if she is just used to it and feels it’s easier to dismiss his behavior to avoid conflict, then your dad has no incentive to behave any better.


#17

It’s in the realm of possibility that the schizophrenia can affect the way he treats you. But I don’t see ANY excuse for him cheating on your mom. That is a conscious decision he made and is a character/moral issue. I have had paranoid schizophrenia for 30 years and I treated my friends well and the few women I’ve dated or have had “relationships” with I’ve treated well. It never occurred me that they should be treated with anything but respect and equality. Seriously. But someone in your family has to take action and do something about the way he treats you guys or live forever being mistreated. I know it’s your father who I do not know and who you may love who is mistreating you but he is being selfish and doing the things that make HIM happy.
He will keep treating your mom bad if she lets him get away with it. My sister sent me an e-mail last week with a quote.
“No one can treat you as inferior without your permission”.
Of course I have sympathy for him for having my same diagnosis. But having schizophrenia does not give you a license to steal or a free ticket to treat someone bad.


#18

Cute figure at the end of your post! :slight_smile:

I second what others have said. Cheating is a consious act. He chose to do that. He can’t blane everything on sz. Does he take meds? Are you sure he really takes them?


#19

He has meds, I don’t know if they work properly because I have seen him in a psychosis 4/5 times in the past 2 years


#20

But if you are in a episode, do you still consciously choose to cheat??
I just don’t understand