Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Girlfriend just moved out, don't know whether to laugh or cry


#1

I think I was unstable a little from drinking a few days ago but my girlfriend and I got into a fight over when she was going to pay me back $425 dollars and it ended up with her saying she’s moving out. and she did. I don’t know if she is still going to pay the money or not, she didn’t say. didn’t want to talk anymore. I was tired of it too. Money was a sore spot because she owes me so much and it just didn’t make for a good relationship. anyways, that’s my life tonight.


#2

I have found relationships where money is a main factor don’t work. I would usually just give the money…if she says she is going to borrow or pay back I’ll be happy if she does but if she doesn’t then its a gift. The emotional part of the relationship is far more important.
I’d be like ’ pay me back when you can, if you can, and if not that’s ok’…but usually I will just give the needed money as a gift.
I know money becomes an issue at times in any relationship but it should not lead to things like this…


#3

I’m sorry to hear that, Jukebox. It is hard when relationships end.

Money can cause a lot of problems in a relationship. I was in an inequitable relationship. I was the bearer of the finances. I was the only one with a car.

I don’t know how to help with this. All I know is that it takes time to heal. The bitterness has to work its way out.


#4

Money between friends is one of the biggest friendship breakers. Between men and women can be disastrous. Especially in a relationship as can be more sense of entitlement by both parties. Comes down to I think a case of only paying or giving money out with no thought of ever getting the money back or anything in return. If you do get any return think of it as a bonus rather than an entitlement. Hopefully she will end up paying you back and i hope you’re not struggling without it in the meanwhile.


#5

Sorry to hear that jukebox. Girlfriends are hard to find. Next time you have a girlfriend don’t mix business with pleasure.


#6

I think the couple should reach a consent on how to share the bills before living together. This way will avoid conflicts about money.


#7

I couldn’t agree more. Get it all straightened out in the beginning so there are no misunderstandings in the future.


#8

She most likely can’t pay you back yet since her job is withholding her wages with no just cause.

I’m sorry it came to that and that the relationship ended. I hope things work out and you can at least still be friends.


#9

She gambled the money away instead of her story about not being paid actually is the case I think. that is why she got mad and left.

thank you for all your replies. Love.


#10

sorry Jukebox, sounds tough, my sisters ex owes her a lot of money after he split and i doubt she will ever see that again and he doesn’t even pay maintenance for the kids :thumbsdown: she doesn’t want to cause a fuss tho,

also me and sweep have recently been arguing over money bc i thought i was paying for everything but we sorted it all out, i was really worried about money so we are going to try and share more i think. i think if you find someone they have got to be willing to share.


#11

I think when you are in a relationship in the beginning everything looks great. As time goes by things can be difficult specially if one is borrowing money from another. When I was dating my husband I had more money than him. I gave him money if he needed it, but never spoke about returning it. I knew I was going to marry him and he was in training to be a physician. We were a solid couple with good understanding. I am so sorry jukebox. I hope she comes back and talks about issues and straightens them out. Good luck!


#12

I am sorry to hear of your distress and hope you two are able to sort things out. I am a bit surprised to hear of your financial arrangements, as they are a bit unusual in terms of how most couples seem to handle finances and would be likely to cause a source of friction. My wife and I generally don’t keep score as to who makes what and who owes who what.

Some years ago when I worked in I.T., I had a very generous pay packet that allowed my wife to stay at home with our daughter. After we moved to a rural area, I was no longer able to find the higher paying jobs I had had before (there are no enterprise networks in the country) and she became the primary bread winner. While I still bring income into the home, it is not what she earns, nor does my self-employment provide us with all important things like drug and dental benefits.

We keep a shared bank account and we pay all bills out of that. We can both see what’s in it. We make minor purchases without asking each other, but large purchases we (usually) talk about. I think we’ve only had a couple of minor squabbles about money in 14 years, usually my fault for impulse buying photography gear I should have discussed with her first.

I don’t know who owes who what at this point in our marriage and don’t really care. I’m just glad I have my wife to come home to. Much more important than an account ledger.

What works for us may not work for you, but that’s how things are handled on our end in case you find the information useful. I will send whatever positive vibes I can your way and hope for a happy outcome.

10-96


#13

I am sorry if you are upset, though you seem more rueful than unhappy, by what you say. But she was your girlfriend, not your wife and she has taken ‘a lot’ of money off you, lied about why she needed it and gambled it away. I think you can find a better relationship than that. I would forget the money, cut my losses, and feel free to look for a more honest and mutually supportive relationship. (I had this experience too. The dishonesty and deception was the hurtful part. And he did come back but I refused to let him through the door.)

But I am sorry if you feel sad about it all. I hope you feel better soon.


#14

thanks Hatty, I’ve just been crying mostly during today. The house is so empty and I miss her and the dogs a lot. It’s for the best, I agree. Just I was so attached to her and her dogs. thanks.


#15

I am sorry. It is a very upsetting experience. Remember that it happened because of her weakness, not yours, and it happens to other people too. It’s good to acknowledge your sadness nd cry it out. Do you have something that you do to make you feel better when you’re down? I usually go for a long walk somewhere green or do one of my hobbies or visit a friend. It’s small in comparison to the negative event but it reminds me that the sadness will pass.


#16

thanks Hatty, I go in the backyard when I’m smoking and I get a lot of energy from just looking at the tall pine trees in my back yard and listening to all the horses and dogs making noise. Yes, it does make oneself feel better when you get “out of the house”.


#17

I’m sorry that this happened. You will be ok in time. :purple_heart:


#18

I do not know if I am sorry or not. I know little gifts can keep relationships together as it was when I was married over 15 years ago. I sometimes purchased a little gold jewelry and this kept a woman happy. Maybe you are better off alone as I am:


#19

That sounds good. I love the smell of pines. In fact, I go and walk on “Pine Tree Hill”!