I wish there was one answer for you.
i have a diagnosed son. It has been a roller coaster ride from day one. I would never abandon him-but I would definitley set boundaries about what you will tolerate and what you wont. He will have to come around sooner or later. I know its hard, but try not to take the things he says personally. That is something that is hard to do-but can be done. There will be times when you need to get some time alone and support for yourself. Have you checked out support groups in your area?
I wish you luck.
i have been married to my husband for 25 years it has never been easy often i found myself depresed if he takes no meds it will gradually get worse it will not get better trust me my husband refuses to take meds it took me years to get him to therapy you sound like your pretty young there is time to slowly try to get him into some kind of therapy my husbands family still don’t beleive it they are no help my hubby has good days but are very far and in between so if you truly love him you must get him to realize somethings wrong but learn to edge it in if he is super paranoid prayers be with you
Your lucky next time contact day happens tell him , you cant deal with the pain anymore and end contact. He probably did you a favor( by breaking up).
Hello, I have sz myself, but I have dealt with two guys with sz that have stigmatized me (my heart). The worst one, I was in love with for 3 years and couldn’t get away from this feeling. Felt pain everyday and he just hurt me and all he said was that I was “hurting myself”. He made fun of me obviously. But as I see from you, maybe it wasn’t his character, but his illness. He also was hiding from me his relationship by telling lies, lies and more lies. I just got over him as soon as I got in love with someone else, suffered with him also.
Thank you for replying. That is the problem. He is super paranoid. He thinks that everyone is in on the plot to kill him. Plus he believes that nothing is wrong with him. I fully realize it won’t be easy with him but he is worth the effort. I truly love this man. I just don’t know what to do to convince him to get help. I can handle the other symptoms but I don’t know how to cope with his delusions that I’m trying to kill him, that was his only reason for breaking up with me. Did your husband accuse you of something so irrational? If so, how did you handle it? How do you keep yourself from falling totally into depression and losing hope? Hope is what keeps people alive and continue pushing forward.
Wishing you all the best.
You are wrong. I’m not lucky that he broke it off with me. I was lucky when he loved me before the delusions started. My love for him is genuine. I cannot turn my love for him on and off like a light switch. I will love this man until the day I die. The pain will not end by breaking all contact with him. There are only two ways that the pain will end: 1. He gets treatment so that it will lessen the delusions or 2. My death. When you truly love someone, you cannot walk away from them. When you truly love someone, you suffer when they suffer. When they are happy, you are happy. Love is not some object that you can throw in the trash. When you truly love someone, you stand by that person no matter what, through sickness and in health. Too many people devalue love, treat relationships as some disposable object and run away at the first problem.
I view these things practically. There is no guarantee that this man can offer you a good life. He has divested you of responsibility so to speak , if he is happy that the relationship end , you are young enough to startover and find better prospects. Also ‘faith’ ,‘destiny’ , I dont believe in , you are not guaranteed a happy ending.
I am really sorry that you suffer from this disease and have also been caused pain by others with it.
Before the delusions started, my ex-fiance and I had a wonderful relationship. He gave me so much happiness. I knew from the beginning that he was different and paranoid but I was fine with that. I love him. We were completely happy together. But the delusions is what split us. I would still be by his side. He’s the one who left, thinking that I’m trying to kill him by sending people after him. He thinks I’m crazy because I refuse to believe his delusions. He doesn’t treat me so bad because he’s mean. He does it because his brain is lying to him and he doesn’t realize it. I just wish there was some way to get through to him and make him realize that it is the disease doing this. I would do anything in the world for him. It hurts that I cannot help him.
I wish all the best for you.
Thank you! It’s nice to hear that a non-schizophrenic person loves a schizophrenic one so much. You have a big heart! I just wish he takes his medicines and he recovers, I understand what you are going through. Take care!
Also not to be hurtful , but I assume you are looking for different perspectives.
The above is not healthy , your ex has some serious mental challenges , injecting the possibility of yourself taking your own life unless you get back together could be a sign of alarming relationship dynamics.
Anyway , that said , good luck.
Did I say my suicide? No. I said the pain will end with my death, not suicide, because I will love him until I die. If I meant suicide, then I would have said that. Maybe you shouldn’t assume something without asking further questions for something which you misunderstand.
OK fair enough.
One more thing. While I may one day have a life with someone else, which I doubt since I’m battling my own fight against Lymphoma and I really don’t want anyone else in my life, no one will ever be able to replace him in my heart. He is the great love of my life. And no, he isn’t happy that he broke up with me. He said being with me was heaven. It’s the delusions that confuse him and stress him out.
yes he did accuse me and my family of poisoning him he finally realizes i’m the only one who stays when everyone goes and i am depressed alot of the time i also go to therapy and take depression meds it is not an easy road and it just takes time for along time he thought nothing was wrong either his family said nothings wrong with him but i told him over and over he needed to go to therapy i really don’t have the magic answer i wish i did it is alot of patience my husband daily yells cusses call me names tells me to leave but i stay it makes me realize why they say they end up homeless or in jail or worse it will be a rough road and everyone is different my older brothers told me to leave years ago but their divorced and i’m still married all i can say is patience and love listen try not to argue gain his trust i often find myself agreeing with his rants its easier then arguing you can’t win wish you well hope i helped even a little i too know what it feels like to dig out of never ending hole time heals all
I was like your boyfriend, I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me, and I used to accuse her of being a spy or an agent ( my sz has to do with the matrix it was all about agents and red pill lol) seriously I wrecked that relationship, I was quite abusive and refused to take medication, eventually she had enough and left me, whenever I think about her I wonder what could have been if I had just taken the damn meds, im ok now I suffer regular episodes but most of the time I think im pretty normal. and I wonder what she would think of me if we were still going out, cause I’m a different guy now im calmer less paranoid more chilled out. your right love is amazing and everyone deserves to experience that feeling, all I will say is you need to get your boyfriend to recognise he is not well, start taking medication and go for therapy, maybe then you have a chance, all the best 
I know how you feel kasia. Im sure things will improve for you. Don’t take your ex too seriously. Schizophrenia can make a person behave totally out of character. Be non judgemental.
Thank you for writing to me. I haven’t known what to say in reply. When I read it, I felt such sadness for you and the girl. Sz is so terrible on people who love each other. I’m glad you are doing better now on medication. My romantic heart hopes for happiness for you. Have you tried to find her and apologize that you treated her badly when you were so sick? I know it wasn’t your fault. Sz makes people do bad things. But it would probably make her feel better. It might help you too. I’m sure she hasn’t forgotten you. I know that I will never forget M. He is the love of my life. He is pushing me away. I want to stay by his side but he won’t let me. So I’ve left ways for him to contact me, which he does once a week. I always tell him how much I love him and that I’m here for him. But I don’t think he really hears me. The past two times have been bad. Before that I thought he was starting to feel better because he was nice to me and sent me kisses. But then back to the hateful, hurtful things. Sometimes he talks about us getting back together, then the next time he will yell at me to go find someone else. It hurts so much. Sometimes he says he needs me, but then he will act like he never said it. So I just exist in some limbo state. He doesn’t see that his behavior is not normal. He has somehow pinned the blame on me instead of seeing that a disease is causing it. I told him that if he really believes I’m trying to send people to kill him, obtaining information on him for the government, and having people spy on him, then to go to doctor and tell them this. He says he is fine and wouldn’t see a doctor if he isn’t sick. I realize he really believes these things even though they aren’t true. It’s a tragedy. I will be forever haunted by our broken dreams and love.
Thank you. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I try but it’s so hard to not take the things he says personally. Yes, he isn’t the man I used to know. Sometimes I feel like I’m in shock because he does things the old him would never have done. I feel so sad wondering if the old him is gone forever. It’s like I’ve been going through grieving over someone who died.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Kasia -
Is there any update on how things are going for you and your ex?
“Please tell me how you got through each day…”
I suggest reading the post “Rampant Dependence on External Solutions in Sz?” because it explains how I did it.