Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I think my life is ruined


#1

Hello guys,
Through the night I have been reading a lot from you messages…

I had a wonderful boyfriend throught the last year. He was so caring and loving and always telling me is was his life. He proposed me few months ago.

I knew he was not ok, he is not diagnosticated, but unfortunatelly just had a psychotic episode. He ran from home and found him after 12 hours at the e.r. in another city.

We had some rough time for the last 2 months becuse he was always feeling bad. I am 3 months pregnant now, I was also feeling very bad because of the pregnancy symptoms.
I always believed he was just anxious and depressive but as I am reading al these…

I look him to the hospital dea days ago and he stated to act very cruel with me. He kept on telling me he doenst want me any more and the baby.

Although he was the one wanting the baby and stoped the medication for this. He talked to everyone at the hospital to kick me out and i was humilliated. We were building a house and now my whole life fell apart. I am going to be a single mom and I am desperate.

I don’t know what to do. His father is a psychopath, beating him and his mom all hischildhood. And now he told him that i was cheeting on him and i should not having my baby.

I will have my baby, because of love. Since his father started talking to him again, because he tried to keep him away, he just left me. He now hates me and his mother for taking my side. I feel that my life has finished and i really don’t know what to do.

Thank you


#2

How far are you from your family and friends? Can you go live with them so you are in a calm, safe and low stress environment.

Stress is a bad thing during pregnancy. You need to take care of yourself and try to take positive actions for you and your life. If your previous boy friend is being mean, unpredictable and unsupportive (and I assume, may have schizophrenia) then you need to get away from him.

You are still young and can have a good life. But try to take some steps that will make your life better. Do you have friends and family that can be helpful in this effort.,


#3

I stay with my mother. She is a little narcissistic, so she does not understand me so much. She keeps telling me that he took advantage on me, and I know he didn’t. She tells me he found someone else, but he is in the hospital ?! I try to stay more with my friends. He was never so cruel. He was so kind and lovable but yes, so hard to live with him. I am exhausted. As I suffer really bad, i feel the same tine relief… I am so story, and I feel guilty for not understanding him better…


#4

All of us who care for an ill person feel guilty about things we should or could have done better if we understood more at the time. It is NOT a good thing to do: do not feel guilty. You did the best you could in your past, with the knowledge you had at the time. It is time to look into the future.

If a man or woman is mean to their partner before marriage, I personally feel that it will definitely get worse in the future. I got pregnant and spent 17 years with a man who was already mean to me before the marriage. It got way, way worse over the years until I almost lost my mind from being bullied for almost 2 decades. I basically ran away to end the marriage, and hid from him until I was legally divorced.

Honestly, it is far, far better for him to break up with you now than to spend your time and energy trying to “fix” him for years while he makes your life and your child’s life miserable. I do not judge anyone now for doing what is best to get them out of a degrading life. You do not HAVE to have this relationship. You do not HAVE to have this baby (I am speaking of giving it up for adoption or an abortion.)

You DO have to take care of yourself and think of your next 20 years of your life if you have the baby. The baby will change everything. Yes, your past plans with him are ruined, BUT you have your whole life ahead of you. It can be a beautiful life: take care of yourself first and I suggest you do NOT stay with a mean person.


#5

I want the baby, i had the baby because of love. It war the choice of both of us and tried for months. Because of the medicine he took, I couldn’t get pregnant.
As concerning the violence, he was never a violent man, but his father was. And maine this is why he is like this in the first place. And of course, I wonder if in the future he will be the same…


#6

I understand about wanting the child. I chose to have my baby and to marry my man despite the meanness. I still have my kids (4) but the man and I parted ways a long time ago now.


#7

Hello Alexandra,
Glad you joined this forum. It sounds like your BF was on medication and stopped? It is good that he went to the hospital, to me it sounds like he is aware that something is not right. So sorry to hear. Getting proper help and medication is what your BF needs. It is too bad he has focused his frustration on you, It’s not your fault. Is he in a psyc hospital? It’s best to let the professionals help him.
Take care of yourself and the baby right now. If both sides of the family are also dealing with emotional problems, it can be very unhealthy for you mentally, look into a support group, you can call a crisis center or sometimes the local hospital has community out reach, it would be good to get some perpective from others.
Take care of yourself, AnnieNorCal


#8

Relationships in hospital are prevented by very watchful staff
He may have a delusional relationship *I have had plenty of experience with different guys
Much of it was hallucinations

I’m sorry all this is happening to you but if his father was violent…I hate saying it but he could be that at times of great stress

We learn a lot from our parents
I hope your mum is supportive with you, having a new person!


#9

I am in Romania, we barely have a propper help in hospitals for psychosis, but no support center for caregivers. It’s been a week and he still hates me. It is crazy but the only one person he accepts now is his father that hurt him so much. I have nothing else to do than to raise my child alone.
I realised for the last few days that I actually raised him too as my child. I suffer really bad, but as the same time I feel like i had a brick hanging to my neck and now is gone. My feelings are so opposite. Every night I dream about him, i miss him and i wake up crying. I am an extrovert but is the first time in my life i have such mixed feelings that is extremely hard for my to express… I still feel my life has finished… but my baby makes me wake up in the morning. I didn’t also have a great life and childhood, but i have never felt such a pain, not even when my father died. I told god he left me too. :frowning:


#10

Yes, he took aripiprazole and stopped it for 3 months and he was worse every day. He stoped it because I couldn’t get pregnant. We thought his was depression because this was actually jos diagnosis. The psychotic episodes were many but in a long time, so they didn’t think it is sz…


#11

Hello Alexandra,
Mental illness can be devastating. You are not alone here on the forum, we all suffer together.

I’m glad you have another place to stay, give your boyfriend some time and space.
There is not alot you can do at this point, try to be kind and understanding, do not cause any conflict.
Too bad there is not enough mental help in your area, your boyfriends illness will limit him from being reasonable, this type of illness can lead to delusions and hallucinations, please act careful when interacting with him.
You have a baby to take care of now, get a check up and take your vitamins, drink plenty of water and be healthy, my prayers as are with you.
AnnieNorCal


#12

Hello,
Thank you for the beautiful thoughts!
He hates me and he does not want to see me anymore, so I don’t interract with him. I call his mother once or twice a day to know he is fine. I do care a lot still. I take care of myself too.
He has already 10 days, how much does a crisis last? He is still not ok. :frowning:
Thank you!


#13

Hello again Alexandra,
Episodes of psychosis can vary. Hopefully someone else can respond. I do not have enough personal knowledge to answer your question.
Glad you are here, at least I can offer you some comfort, you are not alone. AnnieNorCal


#14

Unfortunately, when my daughter went into crisis, she didn’t come out of it for more than 2 years, until the right medication for her was found. Her psychosis was active daily for almost 3 years. It was very wearing. She has been medicated 4 months total, 3 months currently, and she is doing well, acts civilly and has a job. Quite a major, major change due to Haldol 30 day injections.


#15

Oh my god… how can you handle this?? I feel finished after all that happened… In only 10 days… :frowning:


#16

Hi Alexandra, as @AnnieNorCal commented, episodes can vary. My son’s episodes have lasted 2 days to 5 weeks, with between 2 to 12 months between them. The episodes have been getting longer over time, and the same antipsychotics don’t always work. Also, by “episode” I mean when he is experiencing the worst of the positive symptoms, such as hallucinations, delusions, paranoia. After the episode when he is stabilized through medication the positive symptoms may have dissipated but the negative symptoms, such as anhedonia, lack of motivation, social anxiety, continue and usually get better over time. He is unable to attend classes or have a job. But he is a joy to me nevertheless.


#17

First of all, the real version of your fiancé is the one that you knew before he went off his meds. All the hate now, is not him, it’s part of his delusions and hallucinations. Hopefully he can recover from this episode. In the meantime, be careful. In France a hospitalization for a psychotic break usually lasts three months. If he is able to recover, never going off his medications again should be a precondition of any relationship you have with him.


#18

I don’t know what to say because he looked so angry and hateful… he told him mother to tell me to send jos things, but his mother sais he is not fine. He is yet very confused. I started to get used to the thought my baby will not have a father. Unfortunatelly. It no more about me here… and I feel I disapointed my baby yet before birth…


#19

He called me today saying he is so sorry he told me to go away and that he didn’t want the baby. He wants to come back home. He told me to keep the baby and he misses me and loves me. I don’t know what to believe, if tomorrow he leaves again? His voice and tone was not the same as usual. I have been feeling bad from the pregnancy, my head hurts, and I am so scared…


#20

When you love someone, and they are ill, a person does whatever they can to help. Chronic hallucinations and delusions are very wearing. Yet, miracles can happen in life so that things get better. I love my daughter, and without my help she would have been homeless or worse, so I did what I had to do. I am thankful she is doing well now, for the last three months, compared to the last three years of hell on Earth.

You are stronger than you think you are, or you wouldn’t be having your baby and trying to help your man. Struggles of your loved one and your family will be lifelong, because schizophrenia is kind to no one…