Yeah… But damn is it hard. Every time I leave this place, if only for 30 minutes, I get thoughts screaming “YOU’RE LEAVING HER. STOP. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I think those are rational voices in response to irrational sz thoughts. I believe this to be a psychologically abusive environment, therefore I am killing her by leaving her here. Damn. It’s odd saying this out loud. I know it’s not just me, but I hope…god I really really hope it’s mostly me.
A light in the tunnel for me is my brother. Even though he’s socially unstable, gets extrememly hurt by others, and usually wants to be left alone, he will honestly tell me that it is not that bad here. Then again he is not here, but 100 miles north near a university. It could have worsened since he left. And when he was here, it was a constant struggle. I would always be the one to explode when dad said something, then I started keeping it on the inside. He would always be the one to flat out either 1) be cool with dad or only partially enraged, or 2) just flat out leave to somewhere else. I now take the 2. I’m ranting now…
Yeah. This scares the living crap out of me.
She knows I love her though.